Zombies in Chicago!
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 13 up! Complete! Chicago is under zombie attack! Can the Southside Misfits save the day? Next: The altercation with Abdul Alhazred ends! RR Please! Suggestions needed badly!
1. A Night in the Firehouse

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Author's Note: Hey there, folks! L1701E here! It's that time of year again! It's time for another fun Halloween fic starring one of the three Misfit teams in my Misfit-verse. This time, I'm having an adventure with the Southside Misfits, the unofficial Misfit team, as well as their Joe liaison, the pilot Raven. And of course, considering this is a Misfit team, expect the usual insanity and action!**

**Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Marvel Comics and Hasbro. The Southside Misfits were originally created by Aaron. And here's your quote: "STRYCHNINE?!" - Det. Harvey Bullock, _Batman: The Animated Series_**

Chapter 1: A Night in the Firehouse.

**Chicago, Illinois**

A quiet night in Chicago. At least, that's how things started out with this tale. We now focus on an old abandoned firehouse in town. It wasn't actually abandoned as it became the residence of sorts to a rag-tag team of mutants who dubbed themselves "The Southside Misfits". The group were also a rock band called the Southside Rockers. When their existence was discovered, a Joe was assigned to watch over the kids. That Joe was a Native American woman codenamed Raven, a former Cobra pilot who defected to the Joes. She was currently sitting in the kitchen, reading a book.

"...Hello." A chirpy voice greeted. Raven looked up and saw a flying red-haired Asian girl grinning at her. Her grin was a crazy one, and she was upside down. Lisa Blaze, aka Fyre, was one of the Rockers' keyboard players. She also had the power to fly, generate, and manipulate flame. She also was , like the Australian Misfit known as Pyro...not all there in the head.

"Hello, Lisa." Raven greeted. "What are you up to? And I've told you about flying upside down like that. You'll make the blood rush to your head, and you'll black out. Again."

"But I'm bored." Lisa pouted. "I wanna go out and get some candy." Raven sighed.

"Lisa, it's not Halloween yet." The Native American Joe reminded. "Not to mention that we know what happens when you have sugar. And aren't you a little old to trick-or-treat?"

"Nuh-uh." Lisa shook her head, still upside down. "You're never too old to go up to an old lady's front door in a cute costume and get candy. Not to mention there's the pranks." The Irish-Cambodian girl giggled madly. "I love pranks."

"Most people throw eggs and toilet paper on Halloween, not fireballs." Raven sighed.

"Oh, it's not like anyone got hurt...just members of the Chicago chapter of the FoH, but nobody cares about them." Lisa sniffed.

"Just find a way to amuse yourself without damaging something." Raven sighed.

"Oh, alright..." Lisa pouted as she hovered away.

"Lisa, fly right-side up!" Raven called. "You'll black out again ah whatever." She noticed a pretty blonde-haired girl walk in and start to make a sandwich. The girl had a birthmark of a red four-pointed star over her eye. She was dressed like an 80s rocker, but mainly in red. She was Jennifer Hendrix "Jenni" Starr. She was codenamed Shining Star for her mutant powers of hypnotic and photokinetic powers. She was the Rockers' lead singer and bassist. "Hello, Jenni."

"Oh, hi Raven." Jenni smiled. "I'm just taking a snack break."

"I see. What're you doing, Jennifer?" Raven inquired.

"I'm on the roof with a telescope, watching the stars." Jenni answered. "Johnny B told me he was observing some stars. And since I've taken a bit of liking to astronomy myself, I volunteered to help him while he's in his lab."

"I see." Raven nodded. "You know, I heard that Johnny B has been writing a lot of angry letters to the Interplanetary Astronomical Union." Jenni sighed.

"Yeah, he's been on a tear ever since they decided Pluto was no longer a planet." Jenni nodded. Johnny B's voice could be heard from the floor. **(1)**

"Pluto is a planet! Nobody complained in 1930! It's been a planet for decades without problems!" **(2)**

Meanwhile, in the living room of the firehouse, two members of the Rockers were sitting on the couch.

Jason Vincent was the Southside Rockers' lead guitarist. The African-American mutant was the leader of the Southside Misfits. He was codenamed Kid Superstar for his mutant power of adaptability. He could temporarily gain a power to help him out of a situation. He was on the couch, snuggled up next to his girlfriend, Victoria "Vicki" Stephens, aka Vixen. The Caucasian teenager had her black with red-streaked hair in a ponytail. She had the power to alter probability like the Scarlet Witch and had the ability to charm people. Thanks to a strange red guitar that could turn into a pendant she hung around her neck, she also had the power to manipulate energy and flight. The two were snuggling on the couch, watching a movie. Vixen was sitting

"_Timmy, we have to start the reactor! It's the only way to stop those mad horses!"_

"_Screw you, man! You're starting this reactor over my dead body, McRandall!"_

"_Timmy, have you gone nuts?! We can't do this now! People are dying!"_

"_That's not important right now, McRandall! You and I are going to settle this right now!"_

"_Settle what?!"_

"_I'm sick and tired of you getting everything and me getting jack squat!"_

"_What are you talking about?!"_

"Man, that guy is messed up." Vicki scooped up some popcorn and shoved it in her mouth.

"Ah, it's in all these movies. There's always that one guy that goes completely bonkers." Jason shrugged.

"I'm just glad we got to do something together, Jay." Vicki smiled. "It's been pretty crazy in Chicago lately."

"Another day, another brawl with Metallix or someone else." Jason shrugged. "And that fight with the Absorbing Man, Titania, and the Wrecking Crew was a load of laughs."

"Especially since Creel was trying to beat Bulldozer senseless for eyeing up Titania." Vicki snickered. "At least, he thought he did." Another teenage boy with dark hair streaked with blond, slid down the railing of the nearby stairs, dressed in a black sweater with a dark green business jacket and matching slacks, a gold chain around his neck with a pendant shaped like an arrow. He grinned as he looked at himself in a mirror.

Mike Baxter was half-Caucasian, half-Native American. Codenamed WrongWay as a joke on his mutant ability to find anyone or anything, Mike was the Rockers bass and saxophone player. He also fancied himself a bit of a ladies' man, but his actual record with the ladies wasn't that great. He loved the ladies, but the one he fancied the most was Danielle Moonstar, the New Mutant codenamed Mirage.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, Jean Claude Van Damme, I'm fine!" Mike grinned. **(3)**

"Hey, Mike." Jason grinned. "Finally got yourself a date?"

"Yeah, a little honey named Heather." Mike grinned. "She just had to take one look at me, and she wanted me so badly."

"Heh. That unlucky streak is finally ending." Vixen snickered.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Mike frowned. "You're a funny woman, Vick."

"I try." Vicki grinned sweetly at him.

"Hold it, Baxter." Raven walked up to him. "I want to make sure that you know how to treat a lady, WrongWay."

"Aw, man..." Mike moaned. Downstairs, John Bradley Gooden, aka Johnny B. Goode, was working on a gadget in his lab. He made the basement into his own personal laboratory.

Johnny B was a black-mulleted kid, dressed in a lab coat, blue-jeans, and a green shirt with the top button undone. He managed the Rockers, but he also played keyboards for them. He was a speedster who also had electrokinetic powers. A scientist and inventor at heart, Johnny B was gifted with a genius intellect and a love of all things scientific.

"Okay..." Johnny B pulled up his welding mask, put down his soldering iron, and smiled at the invention he was working on. He was working on a circuit board.

"Yo." A tall, powerfully-built black teen slid into the lab, dressed in black. Eric Phillips was the Rockers' drummer. He was also codenamed Trouble because his short temper and tendency to curse heavily when angered combined with his great strength and invulnerability, made him disaster-prone. He was already banned from Soldier Field for beating up a football player. "Hey nerdo, what're you doing?"

"Just fixing something." Johnny B answered. Eric frowned and picked up a watch.

"Hey, what's this?"

"Oh, I've been looking for that!" Johnny B noticed. "I promised Kitty I'd build a gadget to help her friend Rogue with her power problems. I kept forgetting to send it. Thanks a lot." Johnny took the gadget and put it in his coat.

"Aw muthatrucka, don't put it in your coat, man! Things go in there, they never come back out!" Eric groaned.

"Eric, you really oughta cut back on the..._mothatrucka?_" Johnny repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah, they got that stupid swear jar upstairs." Eric grumbled. "Everybody complains about my cursing."

"Well..." Johnny B admitted nervously. "You _do_ curse a lot, my friend. Especially when you get mad. And it's easy for you to get mad."

"I just wish people would leave me alone about it." Trouble grumbled. "I like my foul mouth."

"Well, the air was starting to turn blue during your last tantrum." Johnny B snickered. "And we managed to raise 50 bucks last week in that jar." Eric grumbled as he walked away.

"It was my money, stupid razzin-frazzin jar..." The super-strong drummer grumbled. Johnny B chuckled and went back to his work.

"Hopefully, this night will continue to be a quiet one." Johnny B chuckled. "At least for us."

_**Don't hold your breath, Johnny B! What madness will happen next? What will happen in Chicago, and can the Southside Misfits stop it? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_

**(1) – Don't blame NASA, folks. The IAU decides what are and are not planets. NASA just finds 'em and explores 'em. Pluto's denomination has many astronomers in an uproar.**

**(2) – Pluto was discovered on February 18, 1930 by astronomer Clyde William Tombaugh.**

**(3) - A joke from _Fresh Prince of Bel-Air._**


	2. NecronomiCraziness!

**Zombies in Chicago**

**Disclaimer: "Mine-Mine was bigger." - Randy Marsh, _South Park_**

Chapter 2: NecronomiCraziness!

**A street in Chicago**

A truck drove down the street in Windy City. It was a plain white truck, nothing special about it. One could hear the radio of the truck blare Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama". However, inside the trucks, there were boxes. The boxes were marked with the words "Chicago History Museum" on the side. The truck hit a pothole.

"Whoa!" The driver yelped as he bounced. "Man, that was a bad pothole. I hope my load is okay." What the driver didn't realize was that when the truck bounced, the back doors were knocked open. One small package fell out of the back of the truck, and bounced on the ground, finally landing in an alley. The package split open upon the final impact. Two guys, one wearing a black wool hat, and the other wearing a Chicago Bears cap, noticed the broken package.

"Hey, check it out!" Wool Hat grinned. "A broken package!"

"Wow." Bears Cap blinked. "I wonder what's in it?"

"Who knows." Wool Hat shrugged. "I'll bet it's something that's worth a lot of money!"

"I dunno." Bears Cap shook his head. "Maybe we should find out who it belongs to first."

"I don't see no name on it." Wool Hat remarked as he carefully opened up the broken box. "Whoa..." He stepped back a bit in shock.

"What is it?" Bears Cap walked up to Wool Hat. He looked at what Wool Hat was gawking at.

On the ground, there was a book. It was an ancient-looking gray book. The book was ancient, and had a powerful aura to it. The book had a belt and a buckle attached to it, holding the book closed. The cover bore what looked like a face on it.

"Whoa..." Bears Cap blinked. "That thing is scary-lookin'."

"It's probably some new comic book novel." Wool Hat blinked.

"I dunno, man. I think we'd better leave this thing alone." Bears Cap stepped back. "That book creeps me out. I got a bad feeling..."

"Oh come on." Wool Hat laughed, picking up the book. "You worry too much." He held out the book. "Look, it's just a book. It's probably _Harry Potter_ with a new cover or something."

"Somehow, I don't think J.K. Rowling would approve a cover that ugly." Bears Cap winced. "Come on, man! Let's get out of here, and get rid of that book."

"Oh, come on!" Wool Hat rolled his eyes. "You big baby. It's just a stupid..." He noticed the book starting to glow. "What the-?!"

"Aw, man!" Bears Cap's eyes widened. Words appeared on the book's cover. Wool Hat blinked.

"_That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange aeons even death may die._" Wool Hat read the words out loud. "Huh." The book unbuckled itself. "Oh, God..." The book forced itself open. A THOOM was heard and a column of light erupted from the book.

"Ah, we gotta get out of here!" Bears Cap screamed.

"I hear you, man! I hear you!" Wool Hat dropped the book. Both men ran away screaming.

"I told you we shouldn't have messed with that damned book, man! I told you!" Bears Cap snapped.

"Shut up and run, Chicken Legs!" Wool Hat snapped as he and his friend ran. A figure emerged from the book. He was a Middle Eastern man, dressed like a wizard straight out of _1001 Arabian Nights._ His long robes were red and lined with rubies. The man straightened out his robes.

"Finally!" He grumbled. "It took long enough!" He looked around. "Ah, so this is the 21st Century. Huh. Well, time to summon my Army of Darkness." He smirked and picked up his book. "Ah, my Necronomicon. I thought I would never get out. Lousy punks, daring to trap me in my own book." He shrugged. "Ah, well. I got the last laugh. They're all dead. I'm not. Anyway, time to start my conquest of the world."

**The firehouse**

In the Southside Misfits' firehouse HQ, two of the female members of the team were working in the kitchen.

Jenni Starr and Vicki Stephens were hard at work, making some Halloween treats. Helping them was one John Gooden.

"Johnny, quit tinkering with the mixer and get me some more black icing!" Jenni ordered. She was pouring icing on a batch of bat-shaped cookies.

"Huh?" Johnny B looked up from his tinkering with the mixer.

"Why are you messing with that thing, anyway?" Vicki wondered. She was putting some caramel apples on sticks.

"Well, I had noticed that the mixer was acting a little slow, so I thought I'd tinker with it and try to increase its speed." Johnny B answered.

"Last time you tinkered with a kitchen appliance, it cursed Jason out, remember?" Vicki remembered.

"All I programmed the waffle iron to say was when the waffles were ready." Johnny B groaned. "It's not my fault the stupid thing gained sentience and tried to conquer the firehouse! It was Lisa who put the liquid rubber in the thing!"

"Oh, yeah." Jenni winced. "I remember that. That was not fun."

"You're surprised?" Vicki frowned. "Lisa is a regular oddball. Remember that one time we went to that restaurant, and then they found out all their silverware had vanished?"

"Was it the one where Eric punched the waiter and threw him across the room because there was hair in the soup?" Jenni blinked.

"No, the one where Jason and I were trying to have a nice date, but Lisa and Mike wrecked it by crashing a bulldozer into a wall!" Vicki groaned.

"Oh, I remember that." Jenni nodded. "Lisa stole all the silverware. Turns out she was in one of those moods she has where she gathers up shiny things again."

"What is up with that?" Vicki blinked.

"Lisa's insane." Jenni explained. "Don't bother trying to figure it out."

"Anyway, I think this is a wonderful gig you got us, Johnny B." Vicki smiled. "Doing a charity gig. It makes you feel good inside."

"Yeah." Johnny B agreed. "Doing a costume charity gig. Who says that Christmas is the only time for charity?"

"Did you tell Mike?" Jenni asked the mulleted inventor.

"I tried to..." Johnny B rubbed the back of his neck. "But he told me in no uncertain terms to...bother him later."

"Ten bucks says he's trying to make Danielle Moonstar jealous." Vicki snickered. It was known that Mike Baxter had a bit of a thing for the Cheyenne New Mutant. However, the feeling...wasn't mutual.

"Wouldn't surprise me." Johnny B agreed.

"Oh, stop!" Jenni shook her head. "Just let him be. He'll come if we need him. It's not like he can't find us."

**A supermarket in Chicago**

"_Candy candy candy candy I love me some candy!_" Lisa Blaze sang happily. She was dancing as she pushed a cart down the candy aisle of a store. The pyrokinetic giggled as she looked at all the candy. "_'Cuz I got a Golden Ticket! I got a golden twinkle in my eye..._" She hummed as she grabbed random bags of candy from the aisle and threw them in her cart willy-nilly. "La la la la..."

"Okay, and I got that hamburger meat for Eric..." Raven mumbled as she turned the corner with her own cart. It was full of various food items. "I got that deli cheese for Vicki...I got that soup for Johnny B...I got the salami for Jason..." The Native American Joe's jaw dropped at Lisa's actions.

"_I love rock 'n' roll! Put another dime in the jukebox, baby!_" Lisa sang as she threw candy in indiscriminately.

"Lisa!" Raven yelped. The redheaded Irish-Cambodian blinked.

"What?" Lisa blinked. "I'm being good. I'm not setting any fires."

"Lisa, put that candy back." Raven sighed.

"Why?" Lisa pouted.

"Are you going to eat all that candy?"

"No." Lisa pouted. "Kids come to the firehouse. This candy is also fro trick-or-treaters."

"Lisa, we don't need _that_ much candy." Raven sighed. "We don't get visited by _that_ many kids."

"But I can't decide which candy to buyyyyy!" The redhead whined. "Did I want Marshmallow Bars? Or was it Snickers? Mr. Goodbar? Hershey's Kisses?"

"Lisa, we only need one or two bags." Raven sighed.

"But I want some candy, too." Lisa pouted.

"Lisa, we don't let you have candy for a special reason." Raven explained slowly. "Do you know why?"

"..." Lisa blinked, looking at Raven blankly.

"You gotta be kidding." Raven pinched the bridge of her nose. "Do things people say to you go in one ear and go out the other?"

"..." Lisa continued staring blankly, her only movement being blinking.

"...Just put the candy back." Raven sighed. She heard a crash. "What in the-?"

"Whoa!" Eric rolled by on a load of cans of creamed corn. "MOTHA$#$#$!!! SOMEONE $#$#$# HELP ME, $#$#$#$#!"

"Oh, no..." Raven groaned. _Why did I bring __**those**__ two?_

"Ooh, Eric swore again." Lisa pointed out the obvious. "More money in the swear jar!"

_**Uh-oh! Looks like a new evil has hit Chicago? Who is that wizard? What else did the girls make? What cause is the gig for? Why does Lisa like to gather shiny things? Can the Southside Misfits save the day? Will I stop asking stupid questions?! Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_


	3. The Summoning!

**Zombies in Chicago**

**Disclaimer: "You just can't find that kind of bond in civilian life."**

Chapter 3: Summoning!

**Washington Park**

Washington Park was a famous park in Chicago's South Side. The trees in the park indicated that fall had indeed come to the city of Chicago. The leaves were turning various shades of red, yellow, orange, and brown.

"A most unusual sight." The mysterious red-clad Middle Eastern wizard noted the leaves. He was standing in front of a large pond in the park. "I have never seen leaves like this. But then again, it has been many centuries since I was locked in my own Necronomicon." He patted the book under his arm. "Times have indeed changed. It is kind of fascinating, to be honest. Huge buildings made of stone and metal. Wheeled chariots that are not pulled by horses. It is certainly an interesting time to be released from entrapment in my own book." He opened it up. "I think I'll learn more about the world in this strange new time..." He grinned as he turned to a particular page, and starting chanting in an ancient, Arabic-sounding language for a minute or so.

As he chanted, the book's pages started to glow and eerie white. The wizard's voice became more excited and high-pitched as he chanted. When he finished, the book seemed to explode with light. A column of it erupted from the book, and with an explosion, a circle of light erupted from the top of the column, accompanied by a loud whooshing sound. The wave of white light flew all over the city, making various people look up and mutter in wonder.

After another minute, figures started to emerge from the bottom of the pond. Upon closer examination, the figures were half-decayed, dressed in dirty, tattered clothes. The wizard smirked.

"Yes..." He laughed. "Now the world shall once more tremble at the name of Abdul Alhazred, and his Army of Darkness!" He cackled madly. **(1)**

**The firehouse**

"Tum de dum...ooh! They're ready!" Jenni grinned as she pulled another tray of bat-shaped cookies out of the oven. "I'm surprised we managed to find so much ingredients in the cupboards. There usually is a lot of junk in there."

"Well, Jason picked them up for us." Vicki explained. "Remember, we don't all live in the firehouse. Only Eric, Jason, and Lisa live here. Every time I visit, I always find stashes of candy."

"You know Lisa." Jenni chuckled. "She loves her candy. Why do you think she's so crazy about Halloween? It's not the costumes and the thought of pranking and scaring people that makes her excited."

"Although she also enjoys making fire monsters to scare the local chapter of the FoH." Vicki snickered. The black-and-red-haired young woman then noticed something. "Hey, where's Johnny B?"

"I think he went back down to his lab." Jenni answered. The blonde then shook her head as she spread some black icing on the cookies. "That guy is always down in his lab."

"It's his element." Vicki shrugged. An explosion was heard from the floor. The girls' eyes widened. "Oh my God!"

"Johnny!" Jenni exclaimed. The two girls rushed down towards the basement. They reached the door to the stairway. However when they opened it, the two girls were greeted by a huge plume of thick black smoke.

"Agh!" Vicki coughed and choked as she tried to wave the smoke away from her. "Uck!"

"Augh hack!" Jenni hacked and wheezed. Tears erupted from the corners of the girls' eyes as they waved at the smoke with one arm each using the other as simple breath masks. "Johnny! Johnny!"

"Oog..." Johnny B stumbled out into the room. His black hair was standing completely on end, his clothes were in tatters, and the showing skin was covered in soot.

"Johnny! Are you okay?!" Vicki and Jenni grabbed the dazed inventor and pulled him away from the smoke.

"Oh, God! What happened in there?" Jenni briefly looked back as the girls dragged Johnny to the couch.

"Oog..." Johnny B mumbled.

"Are you okay?! Speak to us!" Vicki tore off Johnny B's glasses, revealing the skin the glasses covered was not soot-covered. Johnny B's eyes looked glazed.

"Oog..." Johnny B mumbled again. The two girls noticed a bright light coming from the window.

"What?" Jenni and Vicki raced towards the window, leaving the dazed Johnny still on the couch.

"Whoa!" Jenni gasped. With a loud _WHOOSH_, an arc of white light raced across the sky.

"What was that?" Vicki wondered.

"Oog..." Johnny mumbled.

**The supermarket**

"Lisa..." Raven sighed. She was walking around the supermarket, a basket under her arm. She had told the pyrokinetic Irish-Cambodian mutant to return all the candy. Pouting, Lisa reluctantly agreed, but when Raven turned around, the mentally-not-quite-all-there young mutant had vanished. "Lisa, where are you?" She turned around when she heard grumbling. The Native American mutant turned around and saw a grumbling Eric Phillips, aka Trouble, walking up to her. His hands were in the pockets of his black trenchcoat, and his head was bowed low. "Eric, have you seen Lisa?" The grumbling African-American mutant looked up.

"No, I haven't seen that fire-haired freakazoid anywhere." The super-strong invulnerable mutant glared. "If I were you, I'd check the aisle that sells matches. Besides candy, that freako has a thing for flames. Why do you think she has that thing for that Australian nutjob?" He grunted, running a hand through his dreadlocks.

"Good point." Raven admitted. "That's the first place I should've looked? Where were you?"

"I was busy." Trouble grumbled. "They made me help clean up all those mother #$#$#$ cans!" He then noticed Raven's grin. "Aw no, I did it again, huh?"

"Oh yeah." The Native American grinned, producing a jar partly filled with change. The grinning ex-Strato-Viper slightly shook the jar, each slight clinking of the change inside further annoying the super-strong invulnerable mutant drummer. His scowl deepened.

"Grrrrrr..." Eric rummaged through his pockets. Finding some change, the grumbling drummer placed it into the jar.

"Thank you, Eric." Raven smiled. "You know, with the money you've been putting in the swear jar, we just may be able to finally get that chainsaw I've been eyeing."

"Yeah with _my_ damned money!" Eric grunted.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" A feminine voice was heard squealing, following a fwooshing noise. Raven and Eric looked at each other.

"Aw, no..." The Joe and Southside Misfit raced towards another aisle where they saw a sight that did not exactly shock them.

"Aw, no..." Raven moaned, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes tightly.

"Why does this not surprise me?" Eric grumbled.

"WHOOOOOOO!" Lisa Blaze whooped. Chocolate was around her mouth, and wrappers were all over the aisle floor. The redhaired Asian girl was riding a bucking bronco...made of flames. "YEEEEE-HAH! RIDE 'EM COWBOY! YEAH!"

"We're gonna get banned. Again." Raven groaned.

"Told you we shouldn't have brought this freako." Eric grumbled.

**A street in Chicago**

Jason Vincent, aka Kid Superstar, rode down the street riding on a blue scooter.

_Ah, a nice night for a ride._ The leader of the Southside Misfits thought to himself. _The sky is clear, it's not too cold, and the stars are shining._ A ringing was heard from his pocket. The long-haired mutant adapter stopped his scooter and pulled out his cell phone. "Hello?"

"_Hey, babe._" A familiar feminine voice greeted. Jason smiled.

"Hey, Vick. What's up?"

"_Jay, we got a problem."_ Vicki answered. _"I think Johnny B is catatonic."_

"What?!" Jason's jaw dropped. "How did _that_ happen?!"

"_Listen!"_

"_Oog..."_ Johnny was heard mumbling.

"_There was an explosion in this lab downstairs!"_ Jenni added. _"There's so much smoke! We can't tell what happened!"_

"Oh, that's just great!" Jason sighed. "We have a gig coming up, and that Eidson wannabe just had to get himself..." The long-haired mutant's attention was caught by an arc of light racing across the sky. "What in the...?" He whispered.

"_Jason? Jason?!"_

**A restaurant in Chicago**

_Oh yeah, I'm having a great night._ Mike Baxter snickered. The Southside Misfit codenamed WrongWay was sitting across a table from his date for the evening, a lovely redhaired number named Heather.

"Man, I can't believe I'm out on a date with one of the Southside Rockers." Heather grinned. "This is fantabulous!"

"Yeah, I'm thrilled too, babe." Mike smirked, holding his glass of soda. "Especially because I'm with a pretty thing like you." Heather giggled.

"Aww, you are so sweet, Mikey." Heather giggled.

"Sweet like sugar, babe." Mike chuckled. "Anyway, what do you like to eat? Personally, I've always been a fan of good ol' fashioned burgers myself."

"Yeah, although right now, I want me a big juicy steak." Heather grinned.

"My kind of woman." Mike smirked to himself. He then noticed something through the glass doors of the restaurant. "What in the-?" An arc of white light raced through the sky. "What was that?" The mutant tracker mumbled to himself.

"Mike? Mike?" Heather blinked.

"Huh?" Mike pulled himself back to reality.

"You okay?" The redhead inquired.

"Yeah, it was nothing." Mike smiled. "Shall we order now?"

_**Well, well, well! Looks like he villain has a name! What insanity shall happen next? What was that light? Can our heroes find the source and stop it? Will Raven and Eric get banned? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_

**(1) – Abdul Alhazred is a character from H.P. Lovecraft's "Cthulhu Mythos". He was the man who _wrote_ the Necronomicon. Strangely enough, in the grammar of Arabic, Abdul Alhazred's name makes no sense. **


	4. First Sighting!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "I ain't afraid of no ghost." - Ray Parker Jr.**

Chapter 4: First Sighting!

**Bayville**

"Man, how do we get ourselves into these messes?" Scott Summers grumbled.

"Don't ask me, Scott." Jean Grey told the optic blaster. "This is all Beast's fault. He found that liquor, and then he vanished." She and Scott were looking around in the woods outside the Xavier Institute.

"What exactly did he drink?" Scott wondered. "He thinks he's different things, depending on what he drinks. He thinks he's William Wallace if he has Scottish whisky, that sake from Japan makes him think he's a samurai, and remember when he found Red Stripe?"

"Oh yeah." Jean winced. "24 hours of straight steel drums and bad Jamaican accent. Although I have to admit, I am curious how he got Ziggy Marley and the Wailers to perform at the Institute."

"And it was one heck of a party." Scott chuckled. "What did Beast drink before he vanished this time?"

"I think he had some wine from Greece." Jean remembered. Scott sighed.

"Oh, that's just wonderful. He could think he's anything from a Greek Olympic athlete to Zeus!"

"I just hope he doesn't end up thinking he's Hercules." Jean winced. "I don't think Herc would like that."

"...Hercules is real?" Scott blinked.

"Scott, we've met the Norse God of Thunder, remember?" Jean reminded. "If the Norse Pantheon is real, then there's a chance that, logically, other pantheons are real. Besides, Jubilee told me that the last time Hercules came to visit, he and Thor brawled up and down Fifth Avenue."

"Aie..." Scott winced. "I wouldn't have wanted to be in the center of that."

"Yeah. I heard their liaison, Henry Peter Gyrich, tried to break it up, but ended up waking up in Vermont." Jean nodded.

"Yeah, I heard about him from Sonic Blue." Scott nodded. "The guy is a major pain in the neck, based on what he told...wait a minute!" Scott heard yelling. "That sounds like the Beast!"

"Let's go!" Jean waved. Scott and Jean ran in the direction of the yelling. However, when they reached the source... "Oh my God!" She gasped.

"Aw, man..." Scott groaned. "I should've stayed in bed today."

**A park in Chicago**

"_La la la dee dee...la da da dee da..._" A beat cop sang to himself. He started to whistle as he walked down a path in a park. The cop smiled as he saw a young couple walking past him.

"You know, I saw this really neat movie down at the Cineplex. It was so cool!" The young man grinned.

"Are you talking about that _Captain Galaxy_ movie again?" The young woman rolled her eyes.

"_Captain Nebula._" The young man corrected. "It was great, babe! I can't believe they got that actor to play CN! And it was a great adaptation of the first six issues of the comic!"

"I can't believe that they're making all these movies based on comic books." The young woman shook her head. "It seems kind of silly."

"Coming from the woman who has all those issues of that stupid comic, what's it called? Ricky Runway?" The young man snickered.

"It is not!" The young woman lightly glared and smacked her companion on the shoulder. "It's called _Fiona Fashionista._" They overheard the cop chuckle.

"Sorry." He apologized as they looked at him. "You two just remind me of my brother. He and his girlfriend used to take walks in the park."

"Well, it's a nice night." The young woman smiled. "Just perfect for a walk in the park."

"Uhnnnnnn..." Unearthly voices moaned.

"What was that?!" The young woman blinked. The cop looked around, and his jaw dropped.

"Oh. My. God." He gasped. The young couple looked in the cop's direction. Their jaws dropped.

"OH MY GOD!" They screamed.

A line of Deadites marched towards them.

**A street in Chicago**

"Thanks a lot, Lisa. Thanks a lot." Raven grumbled. The Native-American Joe was behind the wheel of a fixed-up old pickup truck that Mike and Eric had fixed up. Mike Baxter and Eric Phillips were avid car fans, and they helped fix up the vehicles the Southside Rockers used, including their own tour bus.

"Yeah, you red menace." Eric grumbled. The powerhouse drummer was sitting in the passenger seat, arms crossed, a scowl on his face. A hyperactive Lisa happily bounced in the back seat.

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Lisa bounced up and down happily. "Let's go to the park and feed the ducks the ducks must have their bread or they rampage all over Chicago like the Cubs after too much coffee and the coffee is all owned by Starbucks and the Starbucks don't want me to have fire because they tell me it hurts their restaurants even though I only set fire to their-!"

"Lisa, shut up." Raven groaned. "Stop bouncing up and down in your seat and put on your seat belt."

"Ah, let her bounce, Raven." Eric grunted. "Maybe if we're lucky, Red'll hit her head on the ceiling and get a concussion."

"Eric, don't talk like that." Raven chided.

"Aw, come on!" Eric groaned. "You know that this redhaired broad doesn't use her head! All she does is cause trouble and get us screwed over!" He glared at Lisa. "This is the third store you got us banned from, you Red Menace!"

"I want cheese." Lisa babbled. "I like cheese. Cheese. That's a funny word. Cheese cheese cheese cheese..."

"I don't think she quite got you there, Eric." Raven remarked with a smirk. Eric groaned.

"Mother#$#$#$#$ lunatic..." Eric grumbled. The powerhouse drummer heard a sound of change clinking. The African-American mutant turned his head and saw that Raven was holding out the swear jar expectantly. Her eyes were still on the road, but she had a grin on her face. "Aw man..." A grumbling Eric put some change in the jar.

"Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese..." Lisa continued to chant, oblivious to what was happening.

"Hey, an S-Mart." Eric pointed out a big building with the store's logo on it.

"Right." Raven nodded. The Native American Joe drove the car into the S-Mart's parking lot, in front of the store. "Eric, you think we should leave Lisa here?" The two looked at the happy redhead.

"Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese..."

"Not without this." Eric smirked, pulling a roll of duct tape from his trenchcoat. After duct-taping Lisa to the back seat (and making sure she had no hidden lighters), Eric and Raven entered the store.

"Here we are." Raven announced to herself. "Trouble, try to keep that temper and that mouth in check."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." The drummer waved it off. "Huh?" He noticed one employee carrying a box towards another section of the store. "Huh."

"What?" Raven blinked.

"I think I just saw Bruce Campbell." Trouble blinked.

**The firehouse**

Jason Vincent pulled his scooter into the firehouse.

"Jay, glad you're here!" Vicki ran towards her boyfriend.

"I came as soon as I could." The Southside Misfits' leader told his probability-manipulating girlfriend. "How is Johnny?" The two walked over to the living room. Johnny B was on the couch.

"Oog..." Johnny B mumbled. Jenni Starr was trying to feed him a piece of celery.

"Come on Johnny. Eat the nummy celery..." The blonde encouraged.

"Oog..." Johnny B mumbled.

"Hang on..." Jason mumbled. He tugged at Johnny B's coat.

"What're you doing?" Vicki blinked as she and Jenni watched Jason tug Johnny B's coat off of him.

"Maybe Johnny's got a gadget in here that can help." Jason pulled out a ham sandwich. "No." He threw it aside and pulled out a model of a molecule. "No." Jason pulled out a soccer ball.

"Not this old chestnut." Vicki rolled her eyes. Jenni only giggled.

"No..." Jason grumbled as he rifled through the coat. "Jeez. What is with this coat?!"

"According to Johnny B, the coat employs Hammerspace technology or something like that." Jenni shrugged. "He should explain it."

"Oog..." Johnny B mumbled.

"Augh..." Jason winced as he pulled out a large fish. "Johnny B! Why did you need a fish in here?!"

"Hey, there's a note!" Jenni noticed a note attached to the fish's fin. The blonde mutant grabbed the note and read it. "In case of zoning out, slap across face."

"Who do you think you are, Johnny B? John Cleese?" Vicki joked, lightly shoving the unresponsive inventor.

"Oog..." Johnny B mumbled.

"Worth a shot." Jason shrugged, grabbing the fish's tail. "Stand back, girls." Jason twirled the fish, and then he proceeded to slap Johnny B across the face with the fish.

_**WHAP!**_

"Whoa hey what happened?!" Johnny B blinked.

"Hey, it worked." Vicki blinked.

"What happened to you?" Jason asked Johnny B.

"Apparently, that was the reward I got for years of screwing with super-science." Johnny B chuckled nervously, adjusting his glasses and rubbing the back of his head. **(1)**

_**Well, well, well! Looks like our heroes are going to be in for a fight! What insanity will happen next? What was up with that employee? Will Johnny B ever stop screwing with super-science? Will Lisa break out of the duct tape? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_

**(1) – A slightly altered version of a quote by Dr. Venture from _The Venture Bros._**


	5. SMart Attack!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "Thanks. Be safe."**

Chapter 5: S-Mart Attack!

**Bayville**

"Oh, no..." Jean groaned.

"Help us! SAVE US!" A group of members of the Friends of Humanity screamed as they raced by in a panic.

"Oh, my God..." Scott groaned. "The FoH. Wonderful."

"Evidently they were trying to attack the mansion..." Jean overheard one of the men's thoughts. "But they got intercepted."

"By the Beast, I bet." Scott deduced flatly.

"SPARTANS!" A voice roared. "WE SHALL CHASE THESE PERSIAN DOGS DOWN! AND THEN WE SHALL FIGHT FOR GLORY!"

"Oh, no..." Jean groaned.

"The Professor is going to _love_ this." Scott shook his head.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" The Beast roared as he ran by. He was dressed in Ancient Greek-style armor, carrying a round bronze shield and holding a spear over his head. "WE SHALL FIGHT FOR GLORY AND FREEDOM! AND THIS IS WHERE THEY'LL DIE!"

"It's King Hankonidas." Scott groaned.

"Oh my..." Jean put her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stop herself from laughing.

"Hey, what?" Scott blinked as he heard more noise.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" More armored men ran by, following the Beast. They were all clad in Greek-style armor and wielding spears as well.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding." Scott went agape. "Where does he find these people?!"

"What I'd like to know is where Beast gets those costumes?" Jean snickered. "Maybe he has a tailor we don't know about."

"...you know, we should try and save those FoH guys." Scott tried to change the subject. "I know they are jerks and all..."

"Scott, I know what you're saying..." Jean smiled. "But maybe we should let Mr. McCoy have his fun for a while."

**The Xavier Institute**

Members of the New Mutants were lounging around in the living room. Sam Guthrie and Roberto da Costa were playing _Halo 3_ online with two Members of the West Coast Misfits. Dani Moonstar was reading a book. Bobby Drake was sitting on the floor, playing with a Rubik's Cube. Two boxes were sitting next to the ice-maker. One was full of unsolved cubes. Bobby threw the solved cube he was working on into the second box. He then pulled out another cube from the unsolved box and started working on it. **(1)**

"Yeah!" Roberto whooped into his headset. "Eat _that_, Chilljaw! Yeah!"

"Awwww!" Sam groaned as the countdown to respawn timer appeared on his quarter of the screen again. "Man, that Athena girl gets me every time!" The blond Kentuckian frowned at his headset. "Athena, you don't need to sing that song. You really don't need to sing that song."

"Could be worse. She could be doing a dance." Bobby remarked, taking out another unsolved Rubik's Cube.

"Somehow, I can't imagine Athena, the clone daughter of Wolverine, dancing." Danielle snickered. Bobby shrugged.

"Just saying, Mirage." The ice-maker shrugged, putting away another solved Rubik's Cube.

"Man, we gotta get those things away from you." Dani frowned.

"Just because I can solve 'em..." Bobby snickered.

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Members of the FoH could be seen running by the windows, screaming.

"What in the-?!" Dani's jaw dropped.

"RAHHHHHHHHH!" The Beast and several other people, dressed like Ancient Greek warriors, raced after them, spears held high.

"He got into the Greek wine, didn't he?" Roberto realized.

**S-Mart**

At the local S-Mart, the Native American GI Joe known as Raven, and the African-American powerhouse drummer born Eric Phillips, but also known as Trouble, were walking down an aisle of the S-Mart, a cart in front of them.

"Okay, what else is on the list?" Raven asked. Trouble looked at the list.

"We need a pumpkin." Trouble answered.

"A pumpkin." Raven nodded. "Okay, let's go to produce." The two pushed their cart towards the produce section. They happened to pass by the hunting section.

"Hey, Raven! Look!" Eric stopped the Native American Joe.

"What is it, Trouble?" Raven blinked.

"Look!" The drummer pointed down the aisle. Raven looked down the aisle Trouble pointed down. She noticed an employee unpacking guns from a box, and placing them in cabinets.

"What?"

"Lookit that guy!" Eric pointed. "Don't he look familiar?"

"Uhm..." Raven blinked. "Not really."

"He looks like Bruce Campbell!" Eric exclaimed. "You know, that mother who was in those cheesy comedy-horror flicks in the 80s?"

"Oh yeah..." Raven blinked. "I liked the one with the evil book and the zombies."

"Uh-huh." Eric nodded. "Personally, I liked the sequel where he went to old England." Raven and Eric started at the oblivious employee. "Lookit those scars on his face, girl. He must've gotten in one helluva fight."

"And..." Raven's eyes widened at the sight of the employee's right hand...or lack of it. There was a stump at the end of his arm. "Looks like he lost his hand, the poor guy."

"Huh. I wonder how he lost it." Eric blinked.

"We shouldn't stare at him. It's not right." Raven shook her head. "Come on. Let's leave the guy alone to his work."

"Yeah, yeah." Eric nodded, following Raven. The Bruce Campbell-lookalike looked up at the two for a moment, then shrugged, and went back to his gun-unpacking. He took a moment to examine one of the guns. A smile crossed his face.

"Groovy."

**The firehouse**

"Ah, man..." Johnny B winced as he looked at the entrance to his basement lab. Smoke was still coming from the door. "Augh!" He coughed and waved the smoke away.

"I'm going to go check on the treats we made for our gig." Jenni went into the kitchen.

"Ah, my God!" Johnny B hacked and coughed. "Jeez Louise!"

"What were you _doing_ down there, anyway?" Jason frowned.

"I was working on an experiment, what else? Ack!" Johnny B coughed.

"You know, I find it amazing." Vicki shook her head. "We live in a firehouse, yet this happens. Only to a group of Misfits."

"What kind of experiment, Johnny B?" Jason wondered.

"I was experimenting with a new kind of fuel." Johnny B hacked. "I'm trying to create a substitute for petroleum that would be efficient and environmentally sound."

"Sounds like your new fuel is only good for one thing: _Adding on_ to the problem." Vicki frowned.

**S-Mart**

"Okay, we got everything?" Raven asked. She and Eric were heading towards the checkout line, their cart full of various items. Eric checked the list.

"Yup." The super-strong super-tough drummer answered. "We got the stuff."

"Good." Raven nodded. "I'd hate to have to go back. We'd have to risk leaving Lisa on her own again." Meanwhile in the back of the pick-up truck, a duct-taped Lisa was enjoying herself.

"_I am the model of a modern Major General..._" Lisa sang happily. _"La la la la la vegetable or mineral uhhhh...cheese cheese cheese hedgehog hedgehog hedgehog AAH! Snake! AAH! Snake!_"

"Uhhhhh..." Groaning was heard from outside. As well as random chatter.

"Huh?" Lisa blinked. She saw a flock of half-rotted people stagger towards the store, dressed in tattered clothes. "Ooooooh..." The redhaired Asian blinked in fascination. "Zombie people. I gotta offer them some chips." The pyrokinetic blinked. "I want chips. I hope Raven and Eric got me chips. I neeeeed me some chips. Chips chips chips chips chips chips..." Inside, Raven and Eric were waiting patiently.

"Yo Rae, you want me to..._convince_ these mothers to move?" Eric offered.

"No Eric, I don't need that today." Raven sighed. "We just need to-"

_**CRASH!**_

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" A female voice screamed.

"What the-?!" Raven and Eric blinked. They group saw the Deadites bust their way into the store. The Bruce Campbell-lookalike employee noticed from an aisle.

"Aw, not again..." He groaned. He put his only hand in a pocket in his apron and pulled out a prosthetic hand that resembled the gauntlet from a medieval English knight's suit of armor.

"Zombies!" Eric exclaimed.

"Aw, I knew I should've bought a gun in the hunting aisle!" Raven groaned.

_**BLAM!**_

A Deadite got knocked to the ground by a shotgun shell.

"Huh?" Raven blinked. The Bruce Campbell-lookalike employee stood on a cash register conveyor, shotgun pointed at the Deadites.

"Who the hell are you?!" One of the Deadites snarled.

"The name's Ash." The Bruce Campbell-lookalike smirked, cocking the shotgun. "Housewares."

_**Well, well, well! Looks like a classic horror/comedy icon is here! How will Ash get along with the Southside Misfits? Will he be a help to our heroes? And how will he react to Abdul Alhazred? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_

**(1) – See my one-shot "Rubik's Revenge".**


	6. Smackdown in SMart!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "Be careful, General. We are here to observe. Be careful."**

Chapter 6: Smackdown in S-Mart!

**A neighborhood street in Bayville**

"_Skyyyrockets in flight...Afternoon delight..._" Terry Morrison sang. Terry Morrison was an average homeowner. In his thirties, he was wearing his favorite t-shirt, an AC/DC t-shirt his wife got him, and a pair of jeans as he sprayed water over his front lawn, watering it.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Screaming was heard.

"Huh?" Terry looked out on the street. A group of members of the Friends of Humanity screamed girlishly as they raced down the sidewalk.

"Somebody help us!"

"We're being chased by loonies!"

"I want my mama!"

"Times like this I wish I never beat up my cousin with the bat wings! Now the son of a gun is in Hollywood and has a hot Brazilian girlfriend!"

"Somebody save us!"

"I'm too young to be skewered!"

"We're not Persian! WE'RE NOT PERSIANS!"

"Huh?" Terry blinked. "What could've freaked out those guys?"

"RAAAAAAAAH!" A voice roared. "SPARTANS! ONWARD TO VICTORY!"

"_Huh?!_" Terry's jaw dropped as he saw the Beast run by, followed by several people, all dressed in Greek-style armor. The Beast's helmet's red hair crest was going from side-to-side, indicating he was the commander. "Huh. Now there's something you don't see every day." He turned towards his white-painted house. "Honey! Call that Xavier guy! We had Spartans on our front lawn!"

**The Xavier Institute, a few minutes later**

Professor Xavier was on the phone in his office.

"Thank you for alerting us to Mr. McCoy's location, Mrs. Morrison. We really appreciate it." The bald telepath thanked with a nod. "No, the orange-haired Australian is not a student of mine." He blinked. "He said he was? Did he visit you for something?" His jaw stopped. "He tried to summon fire aliens on the roof...and he stole various electronics and your silverware and built a satellite dish on it?!"

"Those Joes _really_ need to give Pyro medication." Ororo groaned as the Professor continued to converse with the neighborhood woman.

"There's medication that works on him?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Very funny, Logan." Storm sighed.

"No, I'm serious. Is there a medication that works on him?" Logan blinked. Xavier sighed.

"And thank you again for calling us regarding the Beast. We really appreciate it." Xavier put the phone down. "That was the Morrisons."

"Don't they have that Scottish cousin who writes those weird comic books?" Warren blinked.

"They said the Beast was in their neighborhood." Xavier sighed. "We gotta find a way to cut down his drinking."

"What we really oughta do is find a way to get Tony Stark to stop sending him those international liquors!" Ororo grumbled. An explosion was heard. "Oh, no..."

"KURT! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Forge was heard yelling.

"I DID VHAT YOU SAID! I PUSHED ZE BUTTON!" Kurt yelled back.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUSH THE RED BUTTON!"

"I DID!"

"THE OTHER ONE!"

"THERE WAS ONLY ONE!" A monsterous roar was heard. "AAAGH! GODZILLA!"

"SOMEBODY CALL JAPAN! THEIR MONSTER GOT LOOSE!" Ray was heard screaming.

_**CRUSH!**_

"IT JUST CRUSHED MY CAR! AND NOW IT'S EATING MY CAR!" Scott Summers was heard screaming.

**S-Mart**

"Ash?" Eric blinked. "What the hell kinda name is Ash?" The shotgun-toting Housewares employee smirked.

"The name my mama gave me." He answered.

"You seem to be familiar with those things." Raven pointed at the zombies.

"They're called Deadites." Ash explained.

"Get the humans!" One of the Deadites roared. The demonic zombies charged towards the group.

"Aw great!" Raven growled. "And me without a gun."

"Here, sweetcheeks." Ash pitched Raven a shotgun. "Go nuts."

"Hey, thanks." Raven smirked. The two adults and teenage mutant raced into the store, Ash and Raven blasting Deadites as they went.

"Hey Raven, I bet you wish you weren't taken, huh?" Eric smirked.

"Slipstream is _not_ my boyfriend!" Raven snapped, her cheeks turning bright red.

"Heh." Eric snickered.

"Hey, you two gonna argue all night long, or are you gonna kill some Deadites?" Ash argued, blasting one of the Deadites with his shotgun.

"Shutting up and blasting." Raven nodded, blasting a Deadite.

"Come on, big boy." A female Deadite, dressed like a hooker, leapt at Eric. "You know you want to have some fun tonight, hot stuff!"

"Eric!" Raven yelled.

"No problem." The drummer smirked. "I got this ho!" With one mighty punch, the super-strong drummer knocked the Deadite's head right off its shoulders.

"Whoa!" Ash blinked. "That was kinda cool."

"Being a mutant has its perks." Eric smirked.

"Mutant, huh?" Ash blinked. He then shrugged. "I'm an amputee, and some say I'm not quite completely sane." He blasted another Deadite. "What was that?! You think I'm your daddy?!"

"I can't imagine why?" Raven frowned as she blasted another Deadite. "Trouble! Get us out of here!"

"You got it!" Trouble nodded, grabbing a shopping cart. "Follow me!" Eric used the cart like a battering ram, plowing its way through the store. "Yeah! Eat cart, you zombie mother#$#$#$! YEAH!" The heroes managed to plow their way out of the store. "Yeah!"

"Nice work, Trouble!" Raven complimented, as she blasted back more Deadites. "I need more shells!"

"Here ya go, sweetcheeks." Ash handed her some more shells.

"Thanks! And don't call me sweetcheeks." Raven loaded her shotgun.

"Yeah, only her boyfriend calls her that." Eric snickered.

"Shut up, Eric." Raven groaned.

"Why does she call you Trouble?" Ash blinked at the black teenager.

"It's my codename." Eric explained. "You got a problem with that?"

"It fits him. He can't stay out of trouble." Raven smirked.

"Yo, those Deadheads are comin' this way!" Eric pointed out.

"Deadites." Ash corrected. "They're called Deadites."

"You seem to know about 'em." Raven blinked.

"They killed my girlfriend and a couple college buddies of mine." Ash explained. "But on the other hand..." Ash held up his metal hand. "No pun intended, thanks to them, I could've been a King."

"I...see..." Raven blinked. Ash grumbled as he saw the Deadites march towards the group.

"I just had to leave my chainsaw at home..."

"Oh, now this is an interesting development..." A voice laughed.

"Who was that?" Eric blinked.

"Look! Those Deadites stopped moving!" Raven noticed. A projection of Abdul Alhazred appeared in front of the heroes.

"Who the-?!" Ash blinked. "Who's the Arabian Nights reject?" The projection smiled at Ash.

"Ah, so you are the human who has foiled my Army of Darkness." He bowed towards the supermarket worker. "I am Abdul Alhazred."

"What kinda name is Abdul Alhazred?" Eric blinked.

"I'm Ash Williams. What's it to you?" Ash scowled.

"You have had contact with the Necronomicon." Abdul smirked. "Well, do I have news for you, mortal. You are looking at the man who _wrote_ the Necronomicon."

"The what?" Eric blinked.

"An ancient text. The Book of the Dead." Raven explained. Ash's jaw dropped.

"You...you...you _created_ that damned thing?!" Ash roared in anger.

"As you said, what's it to you?" Abdul snorted.

"Do you have any idea what I went through because of that damn book?!" Ash yelled. "I lost a bunch of people I cared about, and I lost a hand because of those Deadites! You piece of-!" The infuriated dark-haired man tried to punch the projection with his metal hand, but it only went through Abdul's head.

"Ash, it won't do any good!" Raven and Eric held Ash back. "It's just a hologram!"

"Yeah, save the punches for the real thing!" Eric added.

"You three mortals think you can stop me?" Abdul laughed. "I'd love to see you try." He grinned at Ash. The projection's eyes started to glow.

_**FWASH!**_

A pair of energy beams erupted from the projection's eyes.

"AAAGH!" Ash screamed as the beams hit and blew up his metal hand. "My gauntlet hand! You son of a-! Do you know how hard I worked to build that hand?!" Abdul's hologram smirked, gave Ash a jaunty bow, and vanished.

"Ash, it's alright!" Raven tried to calm the infuriated supermarket worker down. "I know a guy who can fix it! Let's just get out of here!"

_**Well, well, well! Looks like the gauntlet's been thrown! What insanity will happen next? How will Ash react to the Southside Misfits? Will our heroes be able to save the day? How brutally will Ash beat Abdul Alhazred when he gets his hands on him?! Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_


	7. Run For It!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "From hell's heart, I stab at thee." - Captain Ahab, _Moby Dick_**

Chapter 7: Run For It!

**Location Unknown**

A woman sat in what appeared to be a throne in an underground bunker. Her long green hair fell over one eye as she contemplated.

She was Madame Hydra, the leader of HYDRA, the mysterious terrorist organization, known for their slogan: "Cut off one head, and two more shall grow in its place", referring to its mythical namesake. Madame Hydra was one of the most single dangerous women on Earth. Her ruthlessness and nihilism made her a dangerous foe, knowledge that was possessed by Nick Fury and Captain America.

Among her many talents was a one for escaping death. Madame Hydra's green-tinted lips formed a smirk as she remembered her encounter with X-23, the Hydra-created clone of Wolverine. X-23 had believed that Madame Hydra had died that day. However, the young clone had no idea of the truth. Madame Hydra had managed to escape.

Ever since then, she laid low. She wanted to give the clone, whom Madame Hydra considered her property, a false sense of security. She wanted to give X-23 the feeling that she was free. Madame Hydra smirked at the thought of being able to take away that feeling from X-23, or as she was now called...Athena.

It took a lot of work, but HYDRA managed to learn where she was. The clone now lived in Malibu, under the care of a West Coast-based contingent of GI Joe. She was now a member of their group of mutant wards known as the West Coast Misfits.

The clone had found herself a life and a family. Madame Hydra relished the idea of taking all of it away from her. The Joes made a huge mistake when they took the clone in and made her one of their own. She would get back HYDRA's property, and she had just the weapon.

"Is the weapon ready?" She asked an agent. The agent nodded.

"She is." The agent answered. "But if I may, Madame Hydra..."

"Go ahead..." The green-haired woman answered.

"...Why are you creating a clone of him? Why not just use the donor himself?" The agent inquired. Madame Hydra smirked.

"Because the donor is unpredictable. We don't know what he'll do. Besides, he wants Wolverine, not the clone." Madame Hydra answered. "But our new weapon will want her." She then laughed. "Besides, I find it rather humorous that a clone of Wolverine be captured by a clone of Sabertooth, don't you agree?" The agent nodded.

"Yes, Madame Hydra." He bowed and walked away. _This is a bad comic book plot in the making..._

Another agent ran in.

"She escaped!"

**Bayville Mall**

"WAHHHHHHHHH!" A group of members of the Friends of Humanity screamed as they ran through the mall.

"This is insane! We're supposed to be fighting the mutants, not running from them!" One member yelled.

"Dude, I think only the lead nut is a mutant! The rest must all be drinking buddies or something!" Another countered.

"Oh, God! Somebody save us!" A third screamed.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The Beast roared as he charged into the mall, his fellow Spartans behind him. "ONWARD, SPARTANS! WE HAVE THOSE PERSIAN DOGS ON THE RUN!"

"Somebody tell him we're not Persians! SOMEBODY TELL HIM WE'RE PERSIAAAAANS!" An FoH member screamed. A short while later, the X-Van drove up to the mall.

"Jean, tell me why you can't just knock him out with a psi-blast?" Scott Summers sighed as he pulled up to the mall, clad in his Cyclops costume.

"I don't feel comfortable psi-blasting a teacher, Scott." Jean sighed, clad in her black-and-neon green costume. "Besides, the Beast's mind is so chaotic that I can't seem to get a mind of him."

"It can't be that hard, Jean." Scott frowned. "Just find the mind that has the visions of dead Persians."

"Cute, Scott. Real cute." Jean rolled her eyes.

"I'm just saying." Scott shrugged.

**The S-Mart in Chicago**

"Come on! Let's get out of here!" Raven yelled as she, Trouble, and Ash raced towards the Native American Joe pilot's pick-up truck. "Get in!" She ushered Eric and Ash inside. The powerhouse mutant leapt back into the passenger seat, Ash found himself in the back seat, and he noticed Lisa duct-taped up.

"Uh..."

"She's insane. We'll explain later!" Raven told the dark-haired man. Ash looked over at Lisa.

"Hi!" The red-haired pyrokinetic grinned sweetly. "I'm Lisa. I burn things."

"Huh." Ash blinked. "And they say _I'm_ crazy."

"Let's get out of here!" Eric yelled. "Those things are coming!" He heard a clinking. The young drummer turned around and saw that Raven held out the swear jar. "You're kidding me."

"You cursed when you busted us out of the store." Raven explained nonchalantly.

"NOW?!" Eric yelled. "Aw, come on Raven! Do you see outside?!"

"I ain't going until you put some change in the jar." Raven told the super-strong invulnerable drummer.

"And they say _I_ am nuts." Ash shook his head.

"Hey, those zombie people are coming here." Lisa noticed. "Can I give them some chips?"

"For the love of-!" Trouble grumbled as he rummaged in his pockets. "Here!" The growling Eric threw some change in. "Let's go! Let's go!"

"Good boy." Raven grinned as she started up the truck.

"I hate you." Eric grumbled. The pick-up truck raced out of the lot and zipped away.

"Where are we going?!" Ash exclaimed.

"WHEEEEEEEE!" Lisa whooped in excitement.

"We're going to the firehouse!" Raven answered.

"The firehouse?! What makes you think _firemen_ can stop these things?!" Ash blinked.

"This firehouse was abandoned." Raven explained. "It's the home of the Southside Misfits."

"Southside Misfits?" Ash blinked. "Okay, I've heard of the East and West Coast guys...I've heard of the X-Men, Avengers, Fantastic Four, but never the _Southside_ Misfits."

"We're...unofficial." Eric explained.

"I like setting fires." Lisa grinned.

"Fine, toots. Just don't be anywhere near me when you do it." Ash told the redhead pyrokinetic.

_**THUNK!**_

A Deadite leapt on the pickup truck's hood, and it snarled at them through the windshield.

"AAAAAAAAAH!" The truck's occupants screamed.

"Get off our damn truck, you decaying dimwit!" Raven yelled, activating the truck's windshield wipers.

"I'm gonna eat your brains, you agh!" The wipers whapped the Deadite in the face repeatedly.

"Here!" Ash handed a shotgun to Eric. "Blast him off!"

"Nah. That ain't my thing. I like beatin'." Eric smirked. He leaned out the truck and bashed the Deadite's head in with the butt of the rifle. The windshield wipers took care of the rest. Without the Deadite struggling, and with Eric's aid by pushing on the Deadite's body with the shotgun, the wipers removed the Deadite's body.

"Thank you, Eric." Raven sighed as the drummer leaned back into the cab of the truck.

"Ya should've blast 'im, kid." Ash admonished.

"I wanted to set him on fire." Lisa pouted. "And can you get this duct tape off of me? It's itchy."

"Not till we get home, Lisa." Raven answered.

"Is everyone on your team like this?" Ash winced, jerking his thumb at Lisa.

"Not really." Raven shrugged. "How's your hand?"

"Fine, considering that it was a prosthetic that that Alzared freak blasted." Ash grumbled. "I made that hand in medieval England."

"What's an Alzared?" Lisa blinked. "Is that a new medicine? Everybody always said I needed Ritalin."

"Abdul Alhazred." Raven explained. "Some guy who claims to have something called an Army of Darkness."

"That...sounds like a movie." Lisa blinked.

"Story of my life." Ash grunted.

"What happened to your hand?" The redhead blinked at the supermarket worker. Ash blinked.

"It got blasted."

"Oh." Lisa nodded. "Johnny B can fix it. Johnny B can fix anything!"

"Who's Johnny B?" Ash blinked.

"You mean you never heard of us?" Eric blinked. "We're on the news, man!"

"I don't watch the news." Ash answered. "I watch TV to be entertained. And as I said, I never heard of the _Southside_ Misfits before."

"It's...a long story." Raven explained.

"How hard can it be?" Eric scowled. "You a Joe!"

"Joe?" Ash blinked. "Wait, you one of those GI Joe guys?"

"...yes." Raven sighed. Ash laughed.

"Oh, I heard about you guys. I think we're in for one helluva night, then."

_**Well, well, well! Looks like the team-up may go without a hitch? Can Johnny B fix Ash's hand? Can our heroes stop the Army of Darkness? What is Madame Hydra up to? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_


	8. Arrival

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "My parents think this is a good idea?"**

Chapter 8: Arrival

**A town in the United States**

A teenage girl wandered a street in a small town. She moved with a slight crouch, as if she was trying to hide something. She kept her long dark coat tightly wrapped around herself. There was a chill in the air, so to the observer, it seemed the girl was just trying to keep warm. Her long blonde hair spilled out of her hat. The air also did a good job of hiding features that labeled her as a mutant: leaf-shaped ears, amber-colored eyes, and a mouth that had elongated fang-like canines.

Despite those features, if anyone saw her, they would still regard her as a very pretty girl. Her coat hid a costume. The costume was yellow with brown going down the center, and a ring of white fur at the collar bones, with black around the neck.

Like X23, this girl was a product of HYDRA science. Also like X23, she was created as a weapon, a failsafe in case anything happened to X23. And in case of escape, her job was to retrieve the clone. Instead of Logan, the DNA of the feral mutant Victor Creed, Sabertooth, was used to create her.

It was one of the reasons for her name. One of the scientists who worked with her secretly allowed the girl to watch television, and she took a shine to the game show _Wheel of Fortune_. As a result, the scientist gave the girl a name: Vanna Creed, after the game show hostess and the Acolyte who provided her DNA.

Vanna had heard some noise, and she wandered over to a store that had televisions in the window. Television was one of the few chances that Vanna Creed had to interact with the outside world, and she loved it. She grew to love comedy shows, as well as _Wheel of Fortune_. And she was watching a sitcom.

"_Jimmy, I'm telling you..._" The TV showed a blond man talking to a little kid in overalls. "_There's no monster in the closet._"

"_But dad, I'm telling you, it tried to eat me!_" The little boy countered.

"_I can assure you, son..._" The man was shown walking to the closet. "_There's nothing in this closet but clothes and junk._" He opened the door. "_You see? There's nothing there OH MY GOD!_"

"_Hey, you mind?!_" A monster-like voice was heard snapping from the closet. "_I'm talking to my girlfriend here!_"

"Heh heh heh..." Vanna Creed chuckled. "That's funny." She then noticed a nearby stand, selling fruit. The blonde clone of Sabertooth grinned. She was crazy, but she was far from her "father". She had been trained by HYDRA, but unlike X23, she was never brought out on missions. She was created by HYDRA to capture and return X23. Vanna got tired of being cooped up all the time in that HYDRAbase. Having a feline mutation, she liked to move around. The grinning blonde walked over to the fruit stand, and looked over at the owner. The owner was reading a newspaper, not really noticing her. Vanna grinned, and with the aid of her mutant reflexes, she swiped an apple, and walked away, quietly munching on it.

**Bayville**

Bayville, New York. Home of the X-Men, it was the occasional site of super-villain attacks. Today was no exception. The Bayville Mall was under attack, and the perpetrators were a group of villains known as the Wrecking Crew. The Wrecking Crew were known more as enemies of the Avengers, Thor in particular.

The Wrecking Crew were a group of thugs empowered by Asgardian magic. The Crew was led by Dirk Garthwaite, the Wrecker, dressed in a green costume with a purple hood. An ex-construction worker, Garthwaite's anti-social personality cost him his job. He was accidentally enchanted by Karnilla, Queen of the Norns, thanks to her mistaking him for Loki. He had superhuman strength, durability, and stamina. His trademark crowbar was also enchanted, making it indestructible. The crowbar had some properties similar to Thor's hammer Mjolnir. When the Wrecker threw it, it would return to him, it could deflect bullets, create forcefields, generate minor illusions, teleportation, and even allow the Wrecker to control the minds of anyone who held it.

"Haw, haw, haw!" The Wrecker laughed, smashing a store window with his crowbar. "This is great! I am very glad we decided to come here! No Avengers in this town!"

"Feels good not to see those punks around." A man agreed. He was dressed in an orange costume with a silver collar and a helmet, which had a matching neck and shoulder apparatus. His name was Henry Camp, but he was known as Bulldozer. A former Master Sergeant in the US Army, Bulldozer was dishonorably discharged for beating up his commanding officer, putting a dress and makeup on him, and duct-taping him to a side of a tank. He smashed through a column.

"Careful, you fool!" An educated voice snapped. "We are trying to obtain valuables, not destroy the building!" It belonged to a black man in a green-and-yellow costume, who was shoving jewelry into a sack. Over his shoulder, he had a wrecking ball. Dr. Eliot Franklin was the brains of the Crew, and he was called Thunderball. His wrecking ball was enchanted by the Wrecker's crowbar, making it almost indestructible.

"Awww, don't worry about it, Eliot." A blond-haired man, dressed in a red-and-white costume with oversized hands laughed. "He'll be careful. He remembers last time." This man was Brian Philip Calusky, a Brooklyn native who was raised a farm boy. He was called Piledriver. A person who tended to get bored easily, Calusky became a criminal for the excitement. He was working with the Crew, helping Thunderball stuff valuables in sacks.

All four members of the Wrecking Crew had great strength and durability. During a jailbeak, Calusky, Franklin, and Camp accompanied the Wrecker, as they had befriended him in jail. Grateful for the help, the Wrecker had the three touch his crowbar during a thunderstorm. Lightning struck the crowbar, transferring some of the Wrecker's power to each of his three friends.

"I certainly hope he does, Piledriver." Thunderball answered. "And we use the codenames during jobs, remember?"

"I don't see what the big deal is, man." Piledriver shrugged. "It ain't like the cops don't know who we are."

"Speakin' of cops, we had better get outta here quick!" The Wrecker reminded. "They'll be comin' soon! This place is mired in alarms!" He heard a rumbling. "What the-?" The Wrecking Crew looked around.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" The crowd of FoH members screamed as they raced by.

"What the-?!" Wrecker blinked.

"Weren't those the Friends of Humanity?" Thunderball blinked.

"RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! ONWARD, SPARTANS!" The Beast yelled as he and the other Spartans ran by.

"Huh. And I thought Cleveland was a nuthouse." Wrecker blinked.

"Hey wait, isn't Bayville home of those X-Men guys?" Piledriver realized.

"Oh, boy..." Bulldozer groaned.

**Chicago**

Raven's pick-up truck raced towards the Firehouse.

"Come on!" Raven, Trouble, and Ash emerged from the truck.

"This is where you guys live?" Ash blinked.

"Yup." Eric nodded.

"Actually, not all the Southside Misfits live here." Raven explained. "Some of the kids live with their families."

"Oh yeah, some parents throw mutant kids out." Ash said.

"Uh huh. And it allows people like Magneto to recruit them." Raven explained.

"Magneto, that guy on the news, right?" Ash remembered.

"I thought you said you don't watch the news." Eric blinked.

"I don't." Ash confirmed. "I read the paper at work...on break..." He shifted his eyes nervously. "...I like to read while I eat, and I never bother to bring a magazine."

"That's fine, Ash." Raven rolled her eyes. "Do what you want."

"I always do, sweetcheeks." The dark-haired man grinned. Eric snickered.

"Mothatrucka, only her boyfriend calls her that."

"Slipstream is _not! My! Boyfriend!_" Raven snapped, face visibly reddening.

"Whatever you say, Rae." Eric waved. "Whatever you say."

"Come on inside." Raven sighed as she and Eric went in.

"Who's Slipstream?" Ash blinked as he walked in. The dark-haired employee then noticed something. "Hey, aren't we forgetting something?"

"Like what?" Eric blinked.

"Hello?" Lisa piped up from the truck.

"I think we forgot the crazy redhead." Ash realized.

"Ah, we forget her all the time. She likes it." Eric shrugged.

"This tape is itchy..." Lisa complained.

"Oh, right." Raven realized. "Eric, go untape Lisa. Come on, Ash. I want to introduce you to the Southside Misfits."

"Are they all as bad as Red?" Ash motioned in Lisa's direction with his head.

"Nah." Raven shook her head.

"Raven, we heard on the news! You-?" Jason ran up to the Native American Joe.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Raven answered. "Oh." She pointed to Ash. "This is Ash."

"Uh, hey." Ash waved with his good hand.

"What happened to your hand?" Jason pointed at Ash's ruined prosthetic.

"Evil sorcerer blasted it." Ash grunted.

"Jason!" Raven admonished.

"Oh, sorry." Jason rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "I'm Jason Vincent. They call me Kid Superstar."

"Kid Superstar?" Ash blinked.

"I have the mutant power to adapt." Jason explained. "If I'm in a situation, I gain a power that will get me out of it. Like if I'm drowning, I'll grow gills."

"Huh. I could use that." Ash grumbled. "You guys got a brewsky? I think I'm gonna need one." Raven smirked.

"Come with me, Ash. I got a stash." Raven answered. "Oh God, I'm starting to talk like Roadblock!" Ash looked at the gathered Southside Misfits.

"So..." The Bruce Campbell-lookalike looked at the kids. "You guys superheroes or something?"

_**Well, well, well! Looks like our forces have gathered! What insanity will happen next? Wil lthe X-Men fight the Wrecking Crew? What is Vanna Creed up to? Can our heroes save the day? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_


	9. Sharing Notes!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "D'oh!" - Homer Simpson, _The Simpsons_**

Chapter 9: Sharing Notes!

**Location Unknown**

"_La de daaaa, la de daaa..._" Vanna Creed sang to herself as she balanced across a park railing. Her face and costume were still covered by her hat and coat, and she had her arms out as she balanced. She did a backflip and took a bow at no one in particular. "And the gold medal goes to...me! From the country of...me!" She looked around and saw a hot dog cart. A grin crossed the feral girl's face. A customer was standing at the cart, while the vendor was working on the customer's order.

"Okay..." The vendor worked on the hot dog. As he started to add toppings, Vanna carefully approached him. "Some ketchup..." Vanna grinned. "Mustard..." Her grin grew wider. "Some relish..."

"Huh-huh huh huh huh..." She drooled.

"And some cheese." The vendor finished.

"Cheeeeeese..." The blonde Sabertooth clone grinned.

"And here ya go, sir." The vendor handed the hot dog over to the customer.

"Yoink!" Vanna eagerly leapt from her hiding spot and grabbed the hot dog.

"Hey!" The customer's jaw dropped.

"Hey, kid! Where'd you come from?!" The vendor yelled.

"And gimme back that hot dog!" The customer added with his own yell.

"No! Mine!" Vanna grinned, running away with the hot dog.

"Come back here, kid!" The customer ran after the blonde feral. "Give that hot dog back!"

"Mine!" The blonde snapped.

**Bayville Mall**

"He went through here!" Scott announced as he and several X-Men ran into the Mall. The heroes then stopped short at the sight of the Wrecking Crew. "What the-?!"

"I do believe that the local superheroes have arrived, Wrecker." Thunderball noted.

"Can ya be anymore obvious, Smart Man?" Wrecker grunted.

"Hey, those kids look no older than that boy of yours, Piledriver." Bulldozer reminded the large-handed blond. Piledriver smiled. **(1)**

"Yeah, Rick really looks up to his old man." Piledriver smiled proudly. "He wants to be a part of the Crew one day. Even thought up his own Crew name: Excavator."

"Didn't he run around with that shovel, claiming it was magic?" Thunderball grimaced. "No offense, but to put it in the vernacular, your son is an idiot." An angry Piledriver then grabbed Thunderball by the front of his costume and got in his face.

"You listen here, jackass. You crack one joke about my boy, and I'll whup you so hard, your brain'll be bouncing around inside that skull o' yers for the next year and a half!"

"Oh great, an evil Shipwreck." Scott groaned.

"Shouldn't you worry about the young heroes in our presence?" Thunderball shoved the red-and-white clad teammate off him.

"Oh yeah..." The former farmer blinked.

"Personally, I was hopin' to see Titania whup Wrecker again, personally." Bulldozer snickered. "That was hilarious."

"Hey, she couldn't prove nothin'!" Wrecker snapped.

"Besides, it's rather disgraceful of Creel for him. At his age, being with a girl that young." Thunderball scoffed.

"Uh, Eliot? Titania is twenty-one. She's legal." Piledriver reminded.

"Yeah, she's an adult and stuff." Bulldozer nodded.

"Uh, hello?" Scott waved.

"Who're you?" The Wrecker blinked.

"We're the X-Men." Storm told the crowbar-wielding thug.

"The X-Whuh? Never heard o' ya." Wrecker waved.

"They're on the TV, man!" Piledriver reminded. "You know, the mutant guys?"

"Got a problem with that, bub?" Wolverine unsheathed his famous claws with the trademark _Snikt!_

"Lookit my hands, man." Piledriver scowled, waving his large hands. "Ya think I have the right ta judge?"

"Have any of you seen a blue man in Greek-style armor, chasing members of the Friends of Humanity alongside a bunch of other men in Greek-style armor?" Piotr asked.

"Uh yeah, they went that way." Bulldozer pointed behind him.

"Scott, those are the Wrecking Crew!" Jean realized. "Jubilee told me about them! They've brawled with Thor and the other Avengers!"

"Wonderful." Scott grumbled.

"Well, whaddaya know?" The Wrecker smirked, tapping his palm with his crowbar. "We're famous. Hey kids, ever tasted crowbar?"

**The Southside Misfits' firehouse**

"I'll take a look at that arm of yours, Ash." Johnny B offered.

"Careful, Ash." Vixen snickered. "He might make it worse." Raven, Ash, and the Southside Misfits were gathered around in the Firehouse's living room.

"It's already blasted straight to hell, I don't see how he can do any worse." Ash removed his mangled prosthetic and handed it to Johnny B. "Good luck, kid. I wish I had Alice with me so I could put something on my arm."

"Alice?" Johnny B blinked.

"...my chainsaw." Ash explained. Useful for taking out Deadites." 

"Ah, I see." Johnny B nodded. He then zipped back into his lab.

"What's your story, Ash?" Jenni asked with a warm smile.

"Yeah, I wanna see how you got your face so messed up." Trouble agreed.

"Wait, where's Mike?" Jenni realized. A door slamming was heard, and an angry Mike stomped in. 

"Mike, are you alright?" Jason leapt up in concern.

"Fine." Mike grumbled. One could notice he had one heck of a shiner.

"What happened to your eye?" Raven looked Mike in concern.

"I guess the date didn't go too well." Trouble winced.

"Nah, the date went fine." Mike winced.

"Then what happened?" Vicki wondered as Jenni got up and went to the kitchen to make an icepack.

"Evidently that's what happens when you get fresh these days." Ash quipped.

"No, her insane brother happened." Mike grumbled. "Big retard came out of nowhere and tried to grab Heather. She and I tried to calm things down, but he then punched me out. Luckily, there were a couple cops there, and they helped calm things down."

"That looks nasty, Mike." Raven winced.

"Belive me, I'm fine. I've taken worse from Dani Moonstar." Mike grinned. "Ow, my eye."

"Uhm..." Ash scratched the back of his head. "I don't know what I'm doing here."

"Who's the Bruce Campbell lookalike?" Mike blinked, pointing at Ash.

"Mike, this is Ash Williams." Raven introduced. "We had Deadites attacking a supermarket."

"I missed it." Lisa added, believing she was being helpful.

"And Ash here has been fighting Deadites for years." Raven explained, ignoring Lisa.

"What're Deadites?" Mike blinked. "Are they like monsters?"

"More like zombies." Ash explained. "Only mix with demons."

"Oh, I see." Mike nodded.

"Ya kill 'em the same way ya kill a zombie. Blast 'em in the head, or cut off the head, or just plain destroy the head." Ash told the dark-and-blond-haired mutant tracker.

"Where'd those things come from?" Jenni blinked.

"The Necronomicon." Ash explained. "It's also known as the Book of the Dead."

"Oh, I've heard of it." Vicki winced. "They say that the Necronomicon is the source of some very bad mojo. It's a symbol of very evil magic."

"We just had the pleasure of meeting its author." Raven grunted. "Abdul Alhazred." Johnny zipped into the room.

"Did you guys just say Abdul Alhazred?" Johnny B blinked.

"Yeah, why?" Vicki answered.

"Because Abdul Alhazred is a character in H.P. Lovecraft's works." Johnny B answered. "I am a fan of his work."

"What?!" The others exclaimed.

"Who is H.P. Lovecraft?" Ash blinked.

"He's a writer." Johnny B explained. "He's very influential among writers of horror, fantasy, even science fiction, especially thanks to his Cthulhu Mythos. They're a group of interconnected stories. When he was young, Lovecraft was an avid reader. He especially was fascinated by ancient legends of Abdul Alhazred, and his creation, the book known as the Necronomicon."

"So, Alhazred wasn't created by Lovecraft?" Raven realized.

"Not exactly." Johnny B answered. "As a nod to the legends, he used Alhazred and the Necronomicon, based on the old legends. His version of Alhazred was an evil sorcerer, who like in the legends, wrote the Necronomicon."

"What did the legends say about Alhazred?" Raven wondered.

"Not much, I'm afraid." Johnny B shook his head. "They said that Alhazred was a mad Babylonian sorcerer who tried to depose Rama-Tut, one of the Egyptian pharaohs. He used his Book of the Dead, the Necronomicon, to create an army of demonic zombies to rule Egypt. Rama-Tut's forces fought them off, and Rama-Tut's own wizards trapped Alhazred in the Necronomicon. They discovered they couldn't destroy the book, so they sealed it away."

"Hundred of years later, it ended up in a cabin, and for me, the rest is history." Ash grumbled, remembering the two terrifying nights he spent in that cabin because of the book. "I lost a bunch of friends to that damned book. Also lost a hand."

"How?" Raven wondered.

"Demon possessed it, and I had to cut it off." Ash answered. "Speaking of hands..." He looked at Johnny B."

"Don't worry, repairs are going smoothly." The speedster/electrokinetic smiled. "I managed to save some of the parts of the original hand, so it helps. I'm amazed you managed to build that hand out of what appeared to be a knight's gauntlet."

"I was in Medieval England at the time." Ash explained. He then looked over at the shocked kids. "I'll tell ya later."

_**Well, well, well! Looks like our heroes are getting to know each other! What insanity will happen next? Can our heroes save the day? What will Vanna be up to next? Can the X-Men beat the Wrecking Crew? Will Ash tell the story of his adventure in Medieval England? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_

**(1) – In the _Runaways_ comic, Piledriver discovered he had son, Ricky. In the comics, he joined the Crew as Excavator, wielding what he claimed was a magic shovel. Piledriver was only too happy to have Rick on board. He got whupped.**


	10. Some Plot Advancement!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "Ridin' along in my automobile..." - Chuck Berry**

Chapter 10: Some Plot Advancement!

**Location Unknown**

Vanna Creed wandered into a convenience store. It was one of those convenience stores that was open twenty-four seven. The blonde feral walked up to the counter.

"Where's your gum?" She asked cutely.

"Second aisle." The clerk answered, not even looking up from the newspaper he was reading.

"Thank you." The blonde nodded, making sure her hat and long blonde hair hid her leaf-like ears. She didn't want this guy discovering she was a mutant. The blonde feline feral walked down the aisle.

"Ooh. Gum..." Vanna picked up a pink package of gum. "Huh." She opened the package and pulled out some pink gum. The blonde took a sniff. "Ooh, smells nice..." The blonde mutant then put the whole container of gum in her mouth and started chewing. "Mmm!" She opened up a couple more containers and stuffed the gum in her mouth. "Good gum."

"Hey, that pop star is at it again..." The oblivious clerk mumbled to himself as he continued to read his newspaper.

"Hee hee hee..." Vanna giggled. "He's silly." She then noticed several cylindrical containers. "Huh?" The blonde feral went over to the containers and noticed they were chips. "Hee hee..." She grabbed several containers and shoved them into her coat. "Now, I need a drink..." Vanna was helped by her talent for stealth, and the fact that the clerk really wasn't paying any attention. He was more interested in the funny pages than keeping an eye out for shoplifters. She looked up and down the coolers until she found a box of soda cans. "Perfect." She took out the box of cans from the cooler. She walked out of the store. "Thank you!" She waved. The blonde feral smiled. "I got me some food."

"Heh heh, poor Odie. You'll never get a break..." The clerk chuckled, never keeping his eyes off the newspaper.

**Bayville Mall**

_**CRASH!**_

"Oof!" Wrecker grunted as he got blasted through a wall by Scott Summers, the optic-blasting X-Man codenamed Cyclops. The X-Men found themselves in the midst of a brawl with the Wrecking Crew, a group of thugs empowered by Asgardian magic, and regular foes of the Avengers, Thor in particular.

"Yah!" Rogue exclaimed. _**POW!**_ A mighty punch from the Southern-born mutant nailed Thunderball.

"Oof!" He grunted as he flew into a display. The blow dazed the green-and-yellow-clad thug for a moment. "_Lorelei, let's liiive together..._" He then shook his head.

"You like Styx?" Rogue blinked as Thunderball shook off his haze and started twirling his wrecking ball over his head.

"I do enjoy the classics, my dear." The former physicist smirked. "You children have no appreciation for good music!"

"Obviously, you don't play _Guitar Hero_." Bobby Drake, the Iceman, quipped as he blasted Thunderball with an ice beam. Meanwhile, Piledriver was facing off against Cannonball.

"Hold still, kid!" Piledriver grunted, trying to nail the blond Kentuckian with his large fists.

"Sorry, but Ah don't like the thought of those things hittin' mah head." Sam answered.

"Kid, I may be a farm boy, but I grew up in Brooklyn!" Piledriver warned. "I'll catch ya!" Cannonball couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"Ah can't see ya raisin' sheep." Sam blinked.

"You'll be raisin' _stars_ when I catch ya! C'mere!" Piledriver yelled.

"Alright, kid..." Wrecker scowled at Scott. "Ya know, you got guts, blastin' me. I give ya that. It takes guts to start somethin' with me and be willin' ta finish it. But I'm gonna make ya eat this crowbar, kid. I'm gonna stuff this bar down yer throat and give you a view of your guts!"

"I don't think so!" Jean Grey scowled, lifting up the Asgardian-empowered thug with her telekinesis.

"Thanks, Jean." Scott nodded.

"Oh ho, so you got a redhead girlfriend too, huh?" The Wrecker smirked. "You and Creel should share stories.

"Creel?" Jean blinked.

"The Absorbing Man." Scott remembered. "Jubilee told me about him. He fought Thor, too. And the Hulk. And the Avengers."

"Can't Thor keep his villains to himself?" Jean grumbled.

"Grrrr..." The Wrecker struggled against his telekinetic bonds.

"I'm sure if you tell him that, he'll let 'em know." Scott replied. "Let 'im go, Jean."

"You got it, Scott." Jean nodded. She released the Wrecker, and during that split-second the Asgardian-empowered thug still remained in the air, Scott nailed the thug with another optic blast, sending him flying through the ceiling.

"Come on, ya Commie!" Bulldozer charged towards Piotr in his human form. "Come and get you some, boy!"

"I am not a Commie. Russia is a democracy now." Piotr frowned, armoring up. Bulldozer collided with the steel-skinned Russian mutant.

_**POW!**_

"Oog..." Piledriver bounced backward, landing on his back, his helmet dented.

"Ugh!" Piotr fell over like a big metal domino.

"You okay, Colossus?!" Kitty asked.

"I am okay." Piotr nodded.

**The Southside Misfits' Firehouse**

"I had better get back to work." Johnny B realized.

"Yeah, you do that." Vixen nodded. In a flash of lightning, Johnny B zipped back into his lab.

"...can he really fix my hand?" Ash asked, pointing in Johnny B's direction.

"You'd be surprised what he can do with some spare parts." Raven answered. "Anyway, anyone got any ideas on how to stop Alhazred."

"I'll go up to my room and get on the computer." Vicki got up from her seat. "There is nothing you can't find on the Internet. Maybe I can find out more about Alhazred. Perhaps even find a spell to put him back in the Necronomicon."

"And maybe afterwards, we can burn that damned book." Ash grunted. "That thing has caused way too much trouble."

"I agree." Raven nodded. "Vicki, get on the spell-finding."

"You got it, Rae." Vicki nodded, heading upstairs.

"How long is it going to be until Greased Lightning Boy is done with the new hand?" Ash asked the Native American Joe. "My stump is cold."

"Don't worry about it, Mr. Williams." Jenni reassured with a warm smile. "Johnny B works quick. He'll have your hand fixed lickety-split."

"Yer joking." Ash scoffed. Raven smirked.

"We believe that Mr. Gooden's top running speed can reach about one-third the speed of light." Raven told Ash. "He can only do it for _very_ short bursts, though. It takes a lot of effort." The dark-haired man's jaw dropped.

"_One-third?!_ The _speed of light?!_" Ash's jaw dropped.

"The speed of lightning." Jason Vincent explained. "So trust us, he's fast."

"Huh." Ash blinked. "With kids like you being able to take out Deadites, ya don't need people like me. Just out of curiosity, what kinda superpowers do you kids have? I mean, I know dreadlock boy over here's tough..." He jerked his thumb at Eric, who was nonchalantly watching TV.

"Super strength and invulnerability." Eric smirked. "I'm bad." 

"And I know Red over here starts fires and is nuts." Ash continued, pointing at Lisa.

"Everybody says I am nuts, but I don't know why." Lisa blinked, twirling some of her bright red hair around her finger. She then noticed a wastebasket. "Ooh!" The redhaired Asian threw a fireball into it. She grinned happily.

"We noticed." Raven sighed.

"She'll be fine. Wastebasket fires usually keep her quiet for an hour or two." Jenni explained.

"And what's your power?" Ash blinked.

"Me?" Jenni smiled. "I'm a living lightshow. I can shoot lasers and hypnotize people."

"Mine is adaptability." Jason explained. "I can gain a power to get out of a situation. For example, if I'm in water, I grow gills. If I'm in a fire, I become pyrokinetic."

"Pyro-what?" Ash blinked.

"Fire manipulation." Raven explained. "Lisa has that power. She can also fly."

"Hee hee hee." Lisa giggled at the wastebasket with the fire in it.

"Vicki, the dark-haired girl in red, has the ability to alter probability and to charm people." Raven continued on. "Johnny B, the kid who is fixing your hand, has superhuman speed and the power to generate electricity."

"My power's kinda useless." Mike admitted, scratching the back of his head.

"It ain't _that_ useless." Eric rolled his eyes. "We never lose the remote."

"You can find things." Ash deduced.

"Well, yeah." Mike smiled. "They call me WrongWay as a joke. I have a mutant tracking ability. I can find anyone and anything. My X-Gene also enhanced my photographic memory. I'm like an elephant. I never forget."

"Except when you have to do your chores." Raven smirked. "That always seems to escape your mighty memory."

"I dunno why." Mike grinned.

"Are we going to talk about Deadites?" Ash grumbled.

"Hey you guys, lookit this!" Eric pointed at the TV. The heroes gathered around the tube.

"_And in the news, a mysterious outbreak of what appears to be zombies appeared suddenly! According to reports, they were first seen in Washington Park by a young couple..._" 

"Washington Park, huh?" Ash frowned. "Maybe Alhazred is there."

"Behold! Your new arm!" Johnny B whooped as he zipped in. He held up the new arm, which basically looked like the original gauntlet hand attached to a long red toolbox. "I made some modifications."

"Uh..." Ash blinked at the arm. "That thing's not going to explode, is it?"

"You never know with Johnny B." Eric snickered.

"Eric!" Raven admonished.

"Try it on." Johnny B helped Ash put on the arm. "I put in a special surprise. Think of a chainsaw."

"Uh, okay..." Ash did what Johnny told him to do. Suddenly, with a whirring noise and some clicks, the arm transformed itself into a chainsaw. The dark-haired employee smirked. "Groovy."

_**Well, well, well! Looks like Ash has got a new toy! What insanity will happen next? What will Vanna be up to next? Can the X-Men beat the Wrecking Crew? Will Ash and the Southside Misfits be able to stop Abdul Alhazred! Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_


	11. An Altercation with Alhazred, Part 1!

**Zombies in Chicago**

**Disclaimer: "Trying is the first step towards failure." - Homer Simpson, _The Simpsons_**

Chapter 11: Altercation with Alhazred, Part 1!

**A clothing store in town**

Vanna Creed had climbed onto the roof of a clothing store in a small town, and was sneaking her way in. She left her box of soda cans out in an alley.

The blonde feral clone landed on the floor of the store with a grunt. Her amber eyes seemed to glow in the faint light provided from the outside.

"I'm gonna need a lot more than this coat and hat for a disguise." The blonde girl grinned. "Maybe a new outfit will do me some good." The blonde looked through the various racks of clothes, trying to decide what she wanted. "Let's see...ooh, that's nice...no...nope...nah...that's not me...yech, pink..." Vanna never really noticed the mess she was making. "Oh, this is nice...no...hee hee, this has a horse on it...ooh, zebra print..." The feral teenager grabbed some clothes she wanted. "Okay!" She put a pile of clothes aside.

The blonde pulled off her hat and coat, revealing her yellow-and-brown costume with the white fur lining the shoulders. She then put on her new self-picked outfit over the costume. The feral Sabertooth clone then snuck out of the store, now with new clothes over her costume: A white blouse with the top button undone, a dark green scarf, a blue tie that was partially loosened with a blue sweater vest over it. Her ensemble was completed by a pair of blue jeans with a black studded belt. The clothes showed the feral blonde's curves. Vanna looked down and grinned at herself.

"I look good!" She grinned proudly. She put on her hat and coat, only she allowed her coat to be loose, as there was no worry of her costume being seen. She picked up her box of soda cans and emerged into the street, smiling. She started singing to herself. "_Oh, I look good, I look good.._." She fished out a can of soda from her box and started drinking it. "I love soda." She noticed a group of men in FoH costumes conversing in front of a building, standing around a car.

Vanna grinned as she looked at the empty soda can in her hand. She stuck out her tongue as she aimed her empty can. Then, with one mighty throw, she pitched the can. It turned into a streak of silver and red as it raced through the sky.

"Heh heh heh..." One FoH guy snickered. Vanna's can hit him in the back of the head. "Hey!" He turned around and saw a waving Vanna. "Huh?"

"Hey, fellas! Your mamas all were mutants!" She cracked, grinning widely.

"Aw, that's it! Get her!" The FoH guys ran towards the blonde feral. Shooting a raspberry, a laughing Vanna raced into an alley, the FoH guys in hot pursuit. She raced around the building, and then leapt into the car the FoH guys were gathered around.

"Hey, keys!" Vanna grinned, turning the key and starting the car.

_**Vroom...**_

"Wheeeee! Vroom vroom!" She squealed as she drove off.

"Hey, she stole my car!" One of the FoH guys screamed. "My wife is going to kill me!"

**Bayville**

"_Pop goes the weasel..._" A dazed Bulldozer sang as he laid on the ground.

"Huh huh." Colossus chuckled. "Nice try, my friend."

"Come down here and take your beating like a mature person, young lady!" Thunderball snapped as the green-and-yellow-clad ex-physicist swung his wrecking ball at a flying Rogue.

"Sorry, Thunderball." Rogue smirked as she dodged. "Ah don't think that sounds like a lot of fun. And what kinda supervillain gets their codename from a James Bond movie?"

"Aww, give him some credit, Rogue." Bobby Drake laughed as he blasted Thunderball's wrecking ball with an ice beam, freezing it to the ground in a column of ice. Thunderball scowled as he tried to pull the ball out of the column. "At least he knows which Bond is best. Nobody can beat the original, Sean Connery."

"Ah prefer Pierce Brosnan mahself." Rogue shrugged.

"Oh, please." Bobby scoffed. "Brosnan's Irish!"

"So? Connery is a proud Scotsman!" Rogue argued.

"At least Connery's home _touches_ England!" Bobby snorted.

"At least Brosnan doesn't need a hair piece!" Rogue snapped.

"At least Connery didn't get kicked off the role!" Bobby argued back.

"Hey! You two keep your mind on the task!" Scott snapped at the two mutants.

"Here's bar in your face, kid!" Wrecker roared, pitching his trademark crowbar. The bar raced towards Scott.

"Cyclops! Watch out!" Jean yelled.

_**WHAM!**_

"_Oooh_, that'll hurt!" Bobby winced.

"Aie..." Rogue covered her eyes. "Ah can't look..." She peeked out from between two fingers.

"I am the King of the Daisies..." A dazed Cyclops mumbled before falling on his face.

"HAW!" The Wrecker laughed. "Yer a wuss, kid."

"EAT THIS!" Jean yelled, telekinetically smashing a bench, a statue, a potted pant, and various other objects upside the Wrecker's head.

"HEY OW HEY WATCH IT AIE HEY OOH MAMA THAT HURT!"

**Washington Park, Chicago**

"BWAAAAAAAA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Abdul Alhazred laughed maniacally from a throne he mystically created from the ground, the Necronomicon in his lap. "I love this! I love this! I shall start from here! From this city, my conquest of the world shall begin!" He watched as his Army of Darkness wreaked havoc on the park. People were being chased by the Deadites, several trees were on fire, and there were holes in the ground. In the background, screams of panic could be heard as well as the sounds of car alarms, explosions, and gunfire. A helicopter hovered over Abdul Alhazred.

"This is Paul Travajo for Channel 12 News!" The helicopter reporter announced into a microphone. "I am flying live over Washington Park, where a mysterious invasion of what appears to be zombies suddenly appeared out of nowhere. The invasion, based on eyewitness accounts, appears to have started here in Washington Park, and I notice that sitting on what appears to be a throne made of earth. He looks like something straight out of _1001 Arabian Nights._" Abdul Alhazred noticed the helicopter.

"Huh. A flying machine. This time is more amazing than I thought." The red-clad sorcerer chuckled to himself. "I definitely am finding tis time very fascinating." Meanwhile, the Southside Misfits were struggling to save their hometown. They had driven as close as they could get to Washington Park, and now they had to fight their way inside the park.

"Yah!" Trouble whooped as he grabbed a Deadite and ripped it in two.

"AGH! YOU CRAZY-! YOU TORE OFF MY LEGS!" The Deadite screamed.

"Yeah, I did." Trouble scowled at the zombie. "And now I'm gonna tear off your damned head!" The powerhouse drummer tore the demonic zombie's head right off his shoulders.

"Aw, look..." One Deadite, snickered as he and a group of fellow Deadites stalked towards Shining Star and Vixen. "A couple pretty girlies..." The two young mutants were backed up against a wall.

"Heh heh, yeah..." A second Deadite snickered.

"Why don't we show these undead dopes just what us 'girlies' can do?" Vixen smirked over at Shining Star. The blonde girl grinned.

"You got it, girl!" Jenni Starr grinned, her eye and hands glowing red.

"Let's show these Deadites how we do it in the south side, baby!" Vicki whooped. She pitched several hex-bolts at the Deadites, causing them to explode.

"Agh!" One Deadite screamed as the one next to him, dressed in an orange parka, exploded. "Oh my God! They blew up Kenny!"

"Those little bastards!" Another Deadite roared. "Let's get her!" He ended up getting blasted into pieces by Jenni's crimson-hued energy beams.

"Man, these things are easy." Jenni noticed as she blasted another group of Deadites.

"You're telling me!" Vicki nodded as her pendant transformed into her mysterious red guitar, and she blasted a couple Deadites with it. "It's their numbers! There's so many of them!"

"Where did all these things come from?!" WrongWay exclaimed as he smacked a Deadite in the head with a bo staff. A female Deadite leapt at the heroic musician. "Hey, lady! Back off! I love the ladies, but not when they're undead!"

"They're probably coming from that damned book!" Raven exclaimed as she blasted a Deadite with her shotgun. "Eat Remington, ya zombie ripoff!"

"Lady, you're my kinda woman." Ash grinned as he slashed a zombie in half with his new chainsaw arm, then blasted another Deadite's head off . "And I have to give that nerd Johnny B credit. This new arm's pretty good." Raven rolled her eyes at the dark-haired man's pick-up attempt.

"Yeah, Johnny B's pretty good with the mechanical stuff." Raven agreed.

"Hey Ash, she's taken!" Jason chuckled. His skin transformed into liquid metal. He morphed his arms into blades and used them to skewer Deadites left and right.

"Oh, stop it." Raven grumbled. A Deadite leapt on her. "Hey!"

"Hello, hot stuff." The Deadite's decaying mouth formed a lecherous grin. Raven scowled.

"I'm not your type. I have a pulse." Raven smacked the Deadite in the head with her shotgun.

"Agh!" The Deadite screamed as he fell off the Native American Joe. "You witch!"

"Ain't I?" Raven smirked as she stomped on the Deadite's face.

"YAHHHH!" Johnny B and Lisa lashed out with fire and lightning.

"Burn, baby, burn!" Lisa whooped. The Deadites that were set ablaze were screaming. "Look at 'em go!" Abdul Alhazred observed the fighting heroes from his throne in the park.

"Hmmm..." The sorcerer thought to himself, scratching his chin. "Looks like these young heroes are going to be much more troublesome than I thought." He smirked. "I think I'm going to have to take care of these little troublemakers myself." The red-clad sorcerer waved his hand, and the Southside Misfits, Raven, and Ash appeared in front of him.

"Huh?" Jason blinked.

"Magic. Ho, brother." Johnny B shook his head.

"Hey look, it's Jafar." Lisa blinked. The others sighed.

"No Lisa, we told you. That's just a movie." Jason admonished.

"That girl's got problems." Ash whispered to Raven.

"Tell me about it." Raven sighed. "You should see her when she's in the mood to collect shiny things. We can never find the silverware anywhere."

"You lot have been a right pain in my neck, you know that?" Alhazred smirked at the heroes.

"We're Misfits. It's what we do." Jenni grinned.

"Can I set him on fire?" Lisa blinked.

"Yeah. Concentrate on the book, kid." Ash cracked.

"You know, all I want to do is conquer the planet. I really don't need you children getting in my way." Alhazred glared at the group.

"Well too bad, pal!" Mike cracked. "This town isn't really the type to welcome invasions."

"Give it up, Alhazred!" Raven pointed her shotgun at the red-clad sorcerer. "Your little Army of Darkness can't stand up to us."

"Personally, I wouldn't complain if he did try to put up a fight." Ash smirked, revving up his chainsaw arm.

"If a fight is what you wish..." Alhazred stood up, auras of magical energy erupting out of his clenched fists.

"Thanks, Ash." Raven rolled her eyes.

"No problem, toots." Ash's smirk never left his face.

"Dude, we keep telling you, she's taken." Mike reminded.

"Oh stop already!" Raven groaned.

_**Well, well, well! Looks like our heroes are going to be in for quite a fight! What insanity will happen next? Can our heroes defeat the mad Abdul Alhazred? Can the X-Men take down the Wrecking Crew? What is Vanna Creed gonna do with her new car? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_


	12. An Altercation with Alhazred, Part 2!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" - Homer Simpson, _The Simpsons_**

Chapter 12: Altercation with Alhazred, Part 2!

**A road**

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Vanna Creed squealed as she drove her car down a road. However, Vanna never really was taught to drive, and all the driving knowledge she obtained was from action movies...and the Blues Brothers. As a result, Vanna was driving wildly. She couldn't stay on one lane. She was constantly changing lanes, causing havoc on the road. Not to mention her speed. She viewed the speed limit as a suggestion. Drivers were cursing and honking their horns like crazy. "_Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig! Does whatever a Spider-Pig does!_"

"Hey, watch it!" A driver screamed.

"Watch where you're going, you lunatic!"

"Where'd you learn how to drive?!"

"Who taught you how to drive?! Britney Spears?!"

"What're you doing, kid?!"

"How old are you?!"

"Somebody call the cops!" Another driver yelled.

"Dum de dum dum..." Senator Kelly hummed to himself. He was driving in his car. He may have been a Senator, but he still had his driving skills. "This is the only quiet time I get in Bayville. All those mutants in that town drive me crazy. Man, I am so glad to get out of Washington. God, who woulda thought Ted Kennedy would've been a mutant supporter? But then again, thanks to the mutants, a lot of breweries have been getting a lot of business. And we all know Ted Kennedy loves his alcohol. I think he and those freak-loving Joes went out drinking once..." He then heard what sounded like screeching tires. "Huh?" He looked out his rear window mirror, and noticed Vanna's car racing towards him. "Hey!" He noticed that Vanna was grinning at him as her car sidled up to his. "Who're you?"

"Hey, ever seen Ben-Hur?!" Vanna called at him.

"Which one?" Kelly blinked.

"The one with Charlton Heston! You know, the one with the chariot race?" She explained.

"Bits and pieces. Why?" Kelly blinked.

"I AM BEN-HUR!" She screamed, slamming her car's side into Kelly's side.

_**WHAM!**_

"HEY WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOAAAAAAAA-AHHHHHHH!" Kelly screamed as his car careened sideways.

_**CRASH! WHAM! WHUNK!**_

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" Kelly screamed as his car slid into an incline and it flipped over and over.

_**SPLOOSH!**_

The car landed in a lake. The senator spat some water out and noticed he was submerged up to his shoulders in water.

"Agh! That psycho-!" Kelly started to curse when he noticed an electric eel swimming up to him. "...this is going to really. Really. Really. Hurt."

_**BZZZZZZZZZZZZ!**_

"WAHHHHHBOOLABOOLAABUGLAPPA!"

"Hey, I think we found Sparky!" A hick voice exclaimed. "He's playing with that senator!"

**Bayville Mall**

"Take me away! Take me away! Just keep that psycho redhead away from me!" The Wrecker groaned as he was carted away by a duo of green-armored Guardsmen.

"G-g-g-get me out of here..." Thunderball's teeth chattered as another Guardsman cut him out of his icy prison.

"Ohhhh, my head..." Bulldozer moaned as Guardsmen carted himself and Piledriver away.

"You think I can get a letter to my kid?" Piledriver asked one of the Guardsmen.

"Yeah, whatever." The Guardsmen answered. The X-Men watched the process, Storm talking to the Bayville cops.

"The poor mall..." Kitty shook her head sadly.

"There, there..." Rogue sarcastically comforted Kitty, patting her back.

"Will One-Eye be alright?" Logan looked over at Jean, who was holding a dazed Scott.

"I'm not sure, to be honest." Jean sighed, looking over at the drooling X-Man.

"...But I don't wanna go home yet, I'm not done talking to me..." A dazed Cyclops drooled. **(1)**

"Wonderful." Jean sighed. "We busted the Wrecking Crew, but we still have no idea where Beast or his Spartan friends went off to."

"Maybe if we're lucky, they found a Greek restaurant in town."

"_All units! All units!_" A police car's radio crackled. "_We have a disturbance at the Chez Hellenic downtown..._"

"Chez Hellenic?" Storm blinked. "That's that Greek restaurant downtown."

"Funny, considering Chez is a word normally associated with _French_ restaurants." Jean blinked.

"The owner's one-quarter French." Kitty explained.

"I forgot how to drive..." Scott drooled.

"They must've hit the place for a feast." Jean deduced.

"Insane drunken Spartans attacking a Greek restaurant. How cliché." Bobby sighed, shaking his head.

"It could be worse." Rogue sighed. "He could've thought he was a samurai again."

"Oh, God..." Bobby groaned.

**Washington Park, Chicago**

"If it is a fight you desire, children..." Abdul Alhazred pointed his glowing fists at the Southside Misfits, and their two human allies, the Native American Joe codenamed Raven, and the semi-sane destroyer of Deadites known as Ash Williams.

The Southside Misfits were preparing for a charity gig when the Deadites, Alhazred's Army of Darkness, attacked the heroes' hometown. During the chaos, the Southsiders met and joined forces with Ash, a regular enemy of the Deadites. In an encounter with Alhazred, Ash learned that the mad sorcerer was the one who _wrote_ the Necronomicon, the cursed Book of the Dead that was the source of a great amount of grief for Ash, who lost a few friends, a girlfriend, and even a hand to the cursed book.

"Bring it, Alhazred!" Raven challenged.

"Then a fight you shall have!" Alhazred cackled as he fired streams of magical energy from his hands.

"Look out!" Jason yelled. The heroes dodged the energy beams, and they hit the ground with a _**KAWHOOM**_, kicking up dirt.

"Whoa!" Vicki hit the ground. "Geez! This guy is no pushover!"

"He gonna be _dead!_" Trouble growled,cracking his knuckles. The powerhouse drummer picked up a bench. "Welcome to the 21st Century, you Ali Baba-wannabe!" The super-strong invulnerable mutant pitched the bench.

"Why thank you. I quite like this century." Alhazred grinned, holding out a glowing hand to the flying bench. Just when it was about to hit him, the mad sorcerer fired an energy blast at the bench, disintegrating it.

"Blast him!" Raven yelled.

"You got it!" Ash pointed his own boomstick at Alhazred. The two fired their shotguns at the sorcerer, knocking him back.

"HA!" Eric waylaid the sorcerer wit hone mighty punch.

"Heh heh, cute." Alhazred snorted. He blasted Eric away and quickly got to his feet.

"What?!" Ash blinked.

"Fools. I am one of Earth's mightiest magicians." Alhazred laughed. "It'll take a lot more than those weapons to stop me."

"Then how about a little lightning?" Johnny B suggested, firing a stream of lightning.

_KRAKA-KOOM!_

"Or some nice fire?!" Lisa giggled madly, firing a stream of flames from her hands.

_FWOOOSHHHHHH!!!_

"Add some laser onto that recipe!" Jenni offered, firing energy beams from her hands and eye.

_FWEEEEEEE!!_

"Oh, yeah!" Vixen pitched a couple hex bolts.

_EHXXX! EHXXXX!_

"Allow me to add on to you ladies' attack!" Jason fired golden energy beams from his fists at Alhazred.

"Maybe the problem is he hasn't eaten enough hot lead!" Raven snarled, firing her shotgun again.

"Lady, I don't think all the hot lead in the world will stop this guy." Ash winced as he saw Alhazred create a magical energy shield in front of him, blocking the heroes' attacks from hitting him.

"Your sorcery is interesting, but it cannot match mine." Alhazred grinned.

"Sorcery?" Mike blinked. "He must think we're magicians or something."

"No surprise." Johnny B shrugged. "Keep in mind, in his time, genetics were unknown. In that time, mutant powers could be considered indistinguishable from magic."

"Vicki, speak the spell!" Jenni yelled.

"I can't! I have to get the book!" Vicki answered, motioning her head at the Necronomicon. "I need the book to re-trap him in."

"Which you shall never get!" Alhazred laughed, knowing the heroes away with an arc of white energy. "You all shall die before that happens! I spent too many centuries trapped in my book, and I refuse to spend one minute more in it!"

_**Well, well, well! Looks like the fight is about to get ugly! Wat insanity will happen next? Can our heroes stop Alhazred? Where is Vanna going? Will the X-Men be able to calm down the crazed Beast? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!**_

**(1) – Homer Simpson. He has a funny line for everything.**


	13. An Altercation with Alhazred, Part 3!

**Zombies in Chicago!**

**Disclaimer: "You have got to be kidding me!" - Don West, TNA Wrestling**

Chapter 13: An Altercation with Alhazred, Part 3!

**A road**

_**BEEP! BEEP!**_

"Vroom vroom vroom WHEEEEEE!" Vanna Creed whooped as she continued driving crazily. "_Oh, I love to drive by the seaside..._"

_BEEP! BEEP!_

_HONK! HONK!_

_**CRASH!**_

"OH GAWD! MUH CAR!"

"WHEEEEEE!" Vanna happily drove. She didn't know where she was going. And she didn't care. She was going wherever the road took her.

**Bayville**

The X-Van raced toward Chez Hellenic.

"This has got to be one of Henry's more...bizarre drunken rampages." Storm frowned.

"Bizarre? He's never had a _normal_ drunken rampage." Wolverine grunted from behind the wheel.

"What I'd like to know is where does he get those costumes? They are remarkably period-accurate." Jean Grey scratched her chin.

"Maybe one of his drunken buddies is a costume-maker." Rogue groaned.

"Like, I hope we don't end up in another fight." Kitty winced as she rubbed her aching shoulder. "Those Wrecking Crew guys were bad enough."

"Could be worse. We could have to deal with protesters on our lawn." Scott sighed. "Again."

"Here we are..." The feral Canadian's jaw dropped.

"Oh mahGod." Rogue's jaw dropped. Littered all over the front of the white-bricked restaurant were beaten members of the FoH. Some of them were embracing the bliss of unconsciousness, and others were groaning in pain. Most of them had the standard wounds of a fistfight: black eyes, bruises, and the occasional dislocated limb.

"Help us..." One FoH member whimpered.

"Save us..."

"Spartans..." A dazed FoH member whimpered. "Crazy Spartans...Spartans everywhere..."

"What happened here?" Storm gasped as the X-Men emerged from the X-Van.

"Must've been one heck of a brouhaha." Bobby winced.

"Mutants...dangit..." An FoH member groaned.

"Go ahead!" Another cried. "Do it! Finish us off!"

"Uh...no..." Rogue shook her head. The X-Men slowly approached the entrance. They heard the sounds of drunken revelry. "Ah think they're partyin' in there."

"On three, I blast." Scott announced. He counted down from three on his fingers. Once he was done...

_**KA-ZAP!**_

The X-Men's field leader blasted the doors down with a mighty optic blast. The X-Men rushed in, and they saw a sight. The Spartans were sitting at the tables. They were also eating, drinking, dancing, talking, and generally having a good time.

"They must be celebrating." Jean realized.

"Of course." Scott snapped his fingers. "They slayed their enemies, so now it is time to celebrate and feast."

"SPARTANS!" Hank jumped on the table, raising a large wine goblet. "We have fought well! We have fought for our glory and generations from now, our children's children will look at us and say they are proud to have our blood in their veins!"

"Does anyone know what he's ranting about?" Rogue whispered.

"Who knows?" Jean sighed.

"Now, Spartans!" Hank raised his glass. "Let us drink and feast in celebration of our VICTORY!"

"YEAH!" The Spartans cheered and whooped in delight. The party continued.

"Bring out the treasure!" Hank yelled.

"Treasure?" Logan blinked. A group of belly dancers sauntered out. "Wow."

"You have _got_ to be kidding..." Kitty moaned.

"Al-_riiiiiiiiight._" Bobby grinned. "Giggity!" **(1)**

"Oh, God..." Scott groaned.

"I can't believe this! Logan, do you agree...Logan?" Storm looked at the feral Canadian. He was staring at the belly dancers.

"Huh?" Logan was focused elsewhere.

"Ah think we lost 'im." Rogue snickered.

"Hank, you are setting a terrible example!" The Kenyan yelled.

"He's partying with his buddies, he's got chicks, he's living the American Dream! How is _that_ a bad example?" Bobby rolled his eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you can be a real help sometimes?" Kitty cracked. Bobby grinned.

"Why, yes."

"I guess we should just wait until the party ends." Jean sighed. "Not like they're going anywhere."

**Washington Park, Chicago**

"Try this on for size, children!" Abdul Alhazred laughed as he fired more energy beams at the Southside Misfits and their two human allies, the Native American GI Joe pilot known as Raven, and the quasi-sane supermarket employee named Ash Williams.

"YEOW!" The heroes were scattered about by the energy blasts.

"This is insane!" Jason grumbled. "How do we stop this guy?!"

"The book!" Vicki exclaimed. "We gotta get the Necronomicon! Once we have it, I can use it to re-trap Alhazred!"

"I'm on it!" Johnny B raced towards the mad sorcerer.

"Johnny B, no!" Raven yelled.

"Crazy kid!" Ash growled. Alhazred smirked at the racing Johnny B.

"Nice try, kid." The red-clad sorcerer smirked. Clutching his book closer to him, Alhazred waved his hand at the ground. With a rumbling sound, a hand made of earth erupted from the ground, and caught the racing electrically-powered speedster in its clutches. "You're fast, but my magic makes me faster." he clutched his glowing fist. In response, the hand squeezed Johnny B.

"AAAAAAH!" He howled in pain.

"Johnny!" Jenni yelled in horror.

"Hang on, Johnny B!" Jason, Jenni, and Vicki blasted at the hand with their powers.

"Let him go, you son of a-!" Raven blasted Alhazred with her shotgun.

"You're dead, mother-!" Eric and Ash, taking advantage of the distraction Raven provided, tackled the mad magician, knocking him to the ground. The Necronomicon flew out of Alhazred's hand, and landed on the ground nearby. Distracted, Alhazred couldn't maintain his will over the ground holding Johnny B. As a result, the earth hand crumbled, releasing the young heroic mutant.

"Air!" Johnny B wheezed. "Oh, thank God!"

"Johnny, you okay?!" Jenni helped him up gently.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Johnny B grunted.

"Why you piece of-!" Ash growled, repeatedly punching Alhazred. "All your fault! This was all your fault! I lost so much because of you!"

"What do I care?" Alhazred blasted Ash off him. "Don't you worry, mortal. You'll see 'em again after I kill you." The supermarket worker landed hard on the ground.

"It's either bad meat or good cheese..." The dark-haired man mumbled before being embraced by unconsciousness. **(2)**

"_You_ the one gonna be dead, you motha-!" Eric charged Alhazred, smacking the sorcerer hard with a dropkick.

"Oh yeah!" Mike agreed, flipping out his bo staff and preparing to whack Alhazred with it. However, the man once known as the Mad Arab was able to knock Eric back, and then he caught the staff. "Uh oh." Alhazred used the staff to send Mike flying. Raven raced towards the Necronomicon.

"Pour it on him!" Jason yelled, firing golden energy beams from his fists at Alhazred.

"You got it!" Jenni fired red laser beams from her hands and eye.

"Eat megawatt, you sword-and-sorcery leftover!" Johnny blasted Alhazred with lightning. Vicki was readying a hexbolt when she noticed Raven moving towards the Necronomicon. The Native American Joe looked at her, signaling her to get ready.

"Burn, baby, burn!" Lisa whooped, shooting flames from her fists. The energy blasts lanced towards Alhazred at incredible speed. Raven slowly reached towards the Necronomicon. Alhazred put up a shield to protect himself from the attacks.

"Nice try, children!" The mad magician laughed. He didn't notice Raven heading towards his book.

"Hey, Ali Baba!" Raven called, snatching his book. The Mad Arab turned around. "Vicki! Got a present for ya!"

"No!" Alhazred yelled. He couldn't do anything, because the Southsiders were still attacking him. Raven pitched the book to Vicki, who caught it. The young mutant shuddered as she held the book. She could _feel_ the bad mojo coming from the Necronomicon. "Give me back my Necronomicon, child! I mean it!" Vicki opened the book and chanted the spell. "No!" He saw the open Book of the Dead glow. "NO! NOOOOOO!" A wind kicked up, forming a tornado around the book's pages.

"What's going on?!" Lisa screamed.

"The book's sucking him back in!" Raven held on to her shotgun.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alhazred screamed and clawed at the air as he was sucked back into the Necronomicon. When he was sucked back in, the book closed itself with a booming noise.

"Is it over?" Lisa blinked.

"What do you think?" Vicki frowned.

"Oh, my head..." Mike groaned. He looked over at Ash. "Hey, you alright, pal?"

"Now what do we do?" Eric grunted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Report this to the cops." Raven answered. She looked over at Ash. "And somebody wake the smart-ass up."

"And what about the creepy book here?" Lisa blinked, picking up the Necronomicon.

"First, not let you touch it." Vicki took the book.

"Oh, my God! We gotta go! We got a gig!" Jason reminded in a panic, looking at his watch.

**A little while later**

The Southside Rockers were performing at a local community center. The gig was for charity, which the Rockers eagerly ere performing at. The kids in the center, clad in various costumes, danced and enjoyed the music. Raven and Ash were there as well. She was clad as Cleopatra. Ash was wearing his uniform. Raven had convinced the supermarket worker to help chaperone.

"Hey uh...thanks for taking care of the Necronomicon." Ash thanked.

"No problem." Raven shrugged. "The Joes will watch over it for you." The sound of a throat clearing could be heard.

"Excuse me, good sir, but I do believe the lady owes me a dance." Raven turned around and saw the Joe pilot known as Slipstream. He was dressed up like a Roman soldier. "Your majesty..." He held out his hand, making Raven blush and Ash snicker.

"Who is this clown? Marc Antony?" Ash snickered. Jenni pointed the two Joes out to her bandmates.

"I guess she liked the surprise we got for her." The blonde smiled.

"_Raven's got a boyfriend! Raven's got a boyfriend!_" Lisa teased into her microphone. The other Southsiders joined her.

"_Raven's got a boyfriend! Raven's got a boyfriend!_" Raven shot a death glare at the laughing Southsiders.

"You kids should be lucky I grew to like you!"

_**Well, well, well! Looks like our heroes have saved the day! What insanity will happen next? What further adventures will our heroes have? Will Abdul Alhazred return? What about Ash? How will Hank deal with his latest drunken rampage? Find out soon! This is L1701E, saying thanks for reading!**_

**(1) – A reference to _Family Guy._ I'm shameless.**

**(2) – Brian Griffin of _Family Guy_ said that, heh heh.**


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